Here’s the idea: About once a week Gary and Scott have an argument. We document the highlights and present it to you in the magazine high school debate team style. Every once in a while, though, we hit a wall because we both like, dislike, or can’t make up or minds on something. It goes kind of like this…
Scott: Hey man, I really love doing lines of coke off a stripper’s ass.
Gary: Umm, so do I.
And that’s what it’s like. So this week it’s the best of the worst. We try to duke it out, but get nowhere. Enjoy.
Scott: You know what’s really cool? When The Spectrum heists our idea and slaps some headlocks on it and calls it their own.
Gary: Shit, that’s exactly what I was thinking when they did that. Why didn’t they think of ripping us off earlier? The earlier, the better.
Gary: I think the success of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy is due entirely to the fact that those guys aren’t actually gay. The series premier of South Park merely solidifies the truth: those guys are really straight, and are using the gay culture to get hot chicks that like the way they dress, cook, and groom themselves.
Scott: I know. It’s like Cuba Gooding Jr. playing a retard. It’s umm, it’s… well, it’s not right. And Sean Penn, too… not buying it.
Gary: After that “racist” crack about Donavan McNabb, I think Rush Limbaugh should hang out with Donald Rumsfeld to make him look better in the eye of the pubic. Or maybe Jeremy Shockey, or John Rocker would be even better.
Scott: If I were him, I’d just dig up John Ritter’s corpse, make it wear a party hat, fuck it on national TV, tell everybody I’m sorry, and lead my life.
Scott: How come frat boys are always calling each other “bra?” What’s the haps bra? What’s crack-a-lackin’ bra? Coolin’ bra. Chillin’ chillin’ bra. Werd.
Gary: It’s because frat guys always look at a girl’s chest when they talk to them, so they’re essentially looking at the girl’s bra. Thus, all they can think about is the signifier (the bra) and the signified (boobies). They have boobies on their mind all the time, Scott.
Scott: Dude, I hate The Strokes.
Gary: You hate The Strokes? How can you hate The Strokes? Is it because they’re the most overrated, generic band that never had to work a day in their lives because their daddy owns obscene amounts of money and a record company to boot? Oh, I see. The Strokes suck because the 70’s are supposedly cool again (or, at least they were for about 15 minutes).