“I named my album Chicken and Beer, but I really wanted to call it, Ludacris’ Hollywood Hot Sheet.”

~Ludacris

The WB is planning on running a new season of its reality show, The Surreal Life, starting early next year. The show features washed-up celebrities living together and this season’s crop of has-beens includes Erik Estrada, Ron Jeremy, and Vanilla Ice. I expect conversations to go a little like this: “Hey Erik did you know I was a rap superstar in the early 90’s?” “No, Vanilla, I didn’t. Did you know I was in a hit TV series in the late 70’s?” And then Jeremy chimes in with, “Well I have an extremely large penis.” And Erik and Vanilla both kill themselves.

Academy Award winning actress Angelina Jolie received the U.N. Correspondents Association first Citizen of the World Award for her work with refugees last Wednesday. Last Thursday she received Chris’ Citizen of my Bedroom Award, but that didn’t receive nearly as much media attention.

Masahiko Shizawa, a Japanese businessman who has been accused of stalking Britney Spears, filed a lawsuit against the pop superstar last week. He claims that Spears’ bodyguards pointed guns at him and caused him “extreme emotional distress.” I’m thinking about suing Britney Spears too, for causing the crotch of my pants severe structural distress.

Finally it hurts me greatly to say that former Baywatch star Pam Anderson announced recently that she has only ten years to live due to the fact that she is suffering from Hepatitis C. I just hope when the day comes and Anderson does die, that they have enough class to keep David Hasselhoff from singing at her funeral.