Gary: During a private meeting with governors last Monday, Education Secretary Rod Paige called the National Education Association, the nation’s largest teachers union, “a terrorist organization.” As a future teacher (and someone that knows plenty of teachers), I think that’s pretty accurate. Last semester I took a course entitled “Multicultural Literature” in which week in and week out we learned how to make car bombs plastered with words like “point of view,” “perspective,” and “understanding.” We then planted the suicide bombs on inner city youth and watched them run around like chickens with their heads cut off. We didn’t blow them up though, because we’re not mad terrorists. Just terrorists.

Scott: Not mad terrorists, agreed. Just terrorists, however? Not quite. Y’all are a bunch mind terrorists. Just like the Public Enemy song. Flava Flav is prophet-like when he repeatedly chants “Base for your face.” Base for your face Gary.

Gary: Oh now that makes sense. We are integral in helping the youth become active thinking, Democratic citizens, but we obviously aren’t doing a good job if Bush gets re-elected. The National Education Associate is filing to sue the pants off Bush for not offering enough funding for the “No Child Left Behind Act” and I hope they go in there slugging. But Scott, I’m interested in your opinion about legal matters. If, for instance, Generation wanted some information from the Student Associated regarding their budget, how would you go about that?

Scott: Well Gary, I’m not sure I can comment on that now. Even if I were inclined to issue a comment, it would only be with my fellow members of the magazine’s editorial board present, of course. So, please allow me to be as vague as possible and please also allow me to not make any appointments for you to speak with my editorial board, because that simply makes too much sense.

Gary: So you’re saying if I want to ask you a question from now on, I have to ask the entire magazine’s editorial board? Even if I ask who you’d rather sleep with, Andy Garcia 1994 or Andy Garcia 2003?

Scott: I guess I can answer that question without consultation. Umm, I guess 1994 Garcia. I’d have to smack him first for the third Godfather installment. Then we’d have at it. If in fact I was into that sort of thing. No comment. So anyway, Mr. Huber, back to the topic at hand. What was Paige’s motive? Why did Paige feel it necessary to lump some of the country’s best and brightest in with Al Queda? What? Start something.

Gary: I’ve scoured the internet for quotes from Paige, and I think it pretty much went like this:

NEA: Your administration’s “No Child Left Behind Act” is highly underfunded, and we can’t follow the new standards and regulations imposed on us and our students.

Paige: Well, you’re a bunch of terrorists.

NEA: Well we’re going to sue you.

Paige: I was just joking. Can’t a brother joke around up in here?

Scott: It’s typical Bush Friends and Co. They use the terrorist excuse at will. It’s about time it bit one of them back. C’mon, what are you thinking when you call the largest union of educators a terrorist group? You’re not thinking. It’s like a privilege for these shmucks to call someone a terrorist. Because if they don’t get to call anyone a terrorist that they wish, well, then the terrorists have already one.

Gary: Does that mean I can call the New York Islanders a terrorist organization and get them expelled from the NHL so the Sabres can, by default, get in the playoffs?

Scott: Only if they bring back the Bob Corkum, Yuri Khymelev, and Wayne Presley line.