Bringing You Dorm Issues by Sucka Chimes, Biff Tipsy and Special Guest RA Missy

“I’m Right. You’re Wrong” is an advice column especially designed to help UB students. So if you have no one else to turn to, and I mean absolutely no one, drop off your question in our personals mailbox. If you’re lucky, your question just might show up in the next issue.

Q: Are all RAs brainwashed to love UB and follow all the rules?

S: It is true some RAs totally sell out and become all “YAY UB!” Some of them may want you to follow all the rules like “no smoking pot in your room” and “I better not be finding any more of you guys cookin’ meth in the study lounge.” But for the most part your average RA only takes the job because of the free single and the partially free meal plan. So they aren’t really trying to get their friends in trouble, they are just sellin’ out and playing into the system to save some GW noise. Usually if you don’t piss them off your RA will be Tokyo cool.

B: I would imagine that not all of them love UB, and they definitely don’t all follow the rules; I’ve drank and smoked with a few of mine. I find that’s a pretty good policy: RAs find it hard to write you up when they owe you beer money.

RA: No silly! RAs are not brainwashed. We already love UB and like to follow the rules when we are picked.

Q: My roommate’s boyfriend sleeps in our room like every single night. He’s an OK guy but it’s hard sharing a room with a dirty guy who doesn’t want to go home. How do I get rid of him?

S: This is a tough situation. It’s your room, but it’s her room too. I would politely pull her aside one day and calmly explain your conundrum. If she’s a cool chick she’ll understand and probably sleep in her man’s room a little more often.

B: Wait until your roommate and her man are asleep. Go out to On the Rox Liquors. Pick up a $4.99 box of Franzia. Go back to your dorm and sneak into the room quietly. Add light jazz. Get into bed with the couple. Open box of wine, apply liberally. Let good times roll.

RA: If you made a roommate contract, which is required in a lot of halls to lay down ground rules between roommates at the beginning of the year, your RA probably still has it on file. I would say that if you don’t know how to confront your roommate about the situation, go to your RA and ask him/her to sit down with you, your roommate, and your contract. Even if you didn’t fill out the contract, I would talk to your RA about it anyway. They could definitely help facilitate some kind of compromise between you and your roommate.

Q: Is it OK to flush my tampons down the toilets in the dorms?

S: You shouldn’t usually flush tampons down the toilet, because it will get clogged. If you do you’ll have to use the plunger and once it’s dislodged from the drain you’ll have to stick your hand in the toilet and fish out the tampon. That’s really gross. However, in the dorms, totally go for it. I used to do it all the time. Those toilets are like industrial strength; they could suck anything down. I used to flush tampons, pads, toilet paper, plastic bags, and big pieces of cardboard down those toilets.

B: While I don’t normally subscribe to the radical feminista propaganda of this supposed “menstrual cycle” that controls the emotions and levels of receptivity to physical contact of the female sex, I also can’t say my sexual organs cause me to expel flesh and blood at monthly intervals. Therefore, I’m not exactly qualified to comment on matters of tampon flushery. However, if you were going to flush anything anywhere, the dorms toilets are top notch. You could flush a puppy down those things.

RA: From an RA standpoint, I would have to say that flushing tampons is not a good idea. If the toilet gets clogged, everyone will be running and getting their RA to deal with it. This creates a lot of unnecessary paperwork and phone calls for your wonderful RA who already does so much for you, not to mention RA gossip. Please try to refrain from doing it, if you can. GO UB!