George W. Bush

-Breakfast with Putin

-National Security briefing

-WIN RE-ELECTION!!!

-Start presidential memoirs. Get Bob Novak to ghostwrite.

-Open Internet startup with leftover campaign money

-Reaffirm iron will to hunt and destroy Osama bin Laden

-Find Osama bin Laden ***IMPORTANT***

-Read two books: one fiction, one nonfiction

-Accuse Kerry of flip-flopping.

-Flip-flop. Just once. For fun.

-Learn words to “Let My Eagle Soar.”

-Vacation on ranch

-Have “the talk” with the twins

-Learn how to cry at will

-Have “the talk” with Ashcroft

-Vacation on ranch

-Take public speaking course

-Discredit “Fahrenheit 9/11”

-Watch “Fahrenheit 9/11”

-Learn sign language

-Vacation on ranch

-Get lock fixed on Lincoln bathroom door

-Apologize to Laura

-Vacation on ranch

-Vacation on ranch

-Vacation on ranch

-Admit no wrongdoing. Ever.

John Kerry

-Win presidency. ***IMPORTANT***

-Haircut

-Change position on health care based on new CBO specs. Tell no one.

-Start presidential memoirs. Get Bob Friedman to ghostwrite.

-Buy Swift boat

-Mention Dick Cheney’s lesbian daughter in public remarks

-Remain murky on same-sex marriage

-Call Ted Kennedy for update on the Senate

-Flip-flop

-Learn Japanese

-Have “the talk” with Alex and Vanessa

-Have “the talk” with Edwards

-Become a 46er

-Find Osama bin Laden

-Play practical joke on Edwards to foster chemistry

-Buy hair dye and clippers

-Call Howard Dean. Leave obscene voicemail.

-Fight drug companies from Rite-Aid

-Flip-flop. Flip-flop flippity floop flip-flop. Flip-flop. There.

-Recreate and strenthen foreign ties, while still maintaining military independence from the UN, but not in a manner that will jeopardize international trade agreements.

-Sign Vanessa’s FAFSA

-Apologize to Teresa

-Solve poverty in America, not in an LBJ way, but in an FDR way

-Call broker

-Flip flop