“I’m Right. You’re Wrong” is an advice column especially designed to help UB students. So if you have no one else to turn to, and I mean absolutely no one, drop off your question in our personals mailbox. If you’re lucky, your question just might show up in the next issue.
Dear Generation,
Alagator, Crocidile, what’s the diff?
J: Crocidile’s can play volleyball and Alagators play soccer. I like crocidile’s better.
D: I’m glad you brought it up. The truth is they are the same. They both love light jazz and long walks on the beach.
Dear Generation,
Why is our stapler broken?
J: Because random people rape and pillage our supply cabinet EVERYDAY. It makes me sick to my stomach. Where is the human decency anymore.
D: Why is YOUR stapler stolen?
Dear Generation,
How do they make crayons?
J: Well Jimmy, they take the fingernails of bad little girls and boys and boil them for three days under a full moon. Then to get the colors they steal your soul. Your soul will make a BLACK crayon. Ha.
D: Mr. Rogers brought us into a factory about this. Something about finger puppets and feeding fish. Kill your parents.
Dear Generation,
What’s a “supersition?”
J: F.U.C.K. Y.O.U. I had a bad day. Sue me. And then try spending 40 hours a week in a one room hell-hole with no windows and we’ll see how well you can spell!!!!!
D: Everything but a glowing typo. They should run photos instead of words. Words suck.
Dear Generation,
Who’s the coolest staff member?
J: Well, my online profile says Dan Boardman, but I’m gonna have to go with MORGAN. Because now I’ll get an A++. Yay. (*quickly runs to bathroom to throw up remnants of self-respect*)
M: That's right I’m the top bitch. My favorite staff member is Anne Marie Bourget because she is in Germany.
D: I’m glad you brought this up. My vote goes to Ms. Frizzle, she’s got a sweet magic bus.
Dear Generation,
Why did your office move?
J: The little men came in the night and stole it. Just like your virginity, right?
D: More like why did YOUR office move jerkface. LOL, LOL, LOL!!1!
M: The Subboard Treasurer, Paul, has it in for us and kicked us out.
Dear Generation,
Why are you called Generation?
J: Because Visions was taken.
D: GOD! Get over it aight??!? It’s called that because it’s the first thing I thought of. Leave me alone. I’m trying to sleep.
M: Ask Eric Coppolino, the first Editor in Chief, he wanted to have sex with a prostitute, have sex with another man, and try heroin....just because. Does it make more sense now?
Dear Generation,
What is Dan’s favorite colour?
J: Well, since he’s now apparently British (coloUr), I’m going to have to go with sage.
D: Well, it used to be orange, and my parents got me all this Syracuse Orangemen gear. I rock, no, I rawk it daily until the sweat pants ripped and my entire ass was exposed to the whole school when I won an award for perfect attendance in middle school. Boy was my face red! My favorite colour is now 88 shades of gray of pain and misfortune and lobster.
