Maybe “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” transforms men into metrosexuals who can cook like Emeril Lagasse and dress like a pansy, but this doesn’t make men happy. For men and women, these things don’t offer true happiness. The boys at “Queer Eye” are neglecting one imperative aspect of a man’s life: sex and romance.

Of course, sex isn’t the key to happiness, but good sex and good communication lead to a good relationship, making both parties happy. Since “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” doesn’t cover these bases, some of University at Buffalo’s gay men step up to the challenge of extinguishing misconceptions and offering advice to facilitate a better heterosexual relationship.

Patrick Clemons, a senior political science major wants to make one thing clear to women. “Everyone has relationship problems, gay or straight.”

Guys, here are some tips that the gay men have conjured after taking years of mental notes at coffee sessions with your girlfriends:

Clemons advises, “Guys shouldn’t take their girl for granted. Girls like to be reassured that they are special and loved. Conveying your emotions will save you trouble down the line.”

Communication is important in any relationship. Gay men are good at it, they like to talk… and talk and talk. Steve Krebuszewski, a freshman, tells men, “Sit down, talk to your girl, and don’t hold back. She wants to hear it even if it’s not pretty and flowery. Keep it real.”

An important, perhaps vital aspect of a modern, healthy, heterosexual relationship is to not get caught up in gender roles. Girls don’t always want to be the “feminine” one. However, this is no license to put on lingerie and pretend to be Cher. Todd Reeves, a sophomore psychology major recommends implicating more balanced roles. “Cook your girl dinner, give her a massage, and then sit her down and talk about your feelings. It may seem cheesy, but you will get so much more from her if you are giving and honest.”

Gay men are also a help when it comes to pleasing your man. They have all the same parts and aren’t afraid to use visuals and act out scenes to help get the point across. Since straight guys often don’t like talking about their feelings, talking about what feels good sexually is out of the question. Here are a few pointers:

“The penis doesn’t just come out of the front, it like goes under and between the legs. It feels good when they touch it down there too,” says Reeves.

Clemons tells girls, “not to forget the balls,” as they are important to pleasing a man too. The penis isn’t the only part of the male body that thrives on sensation.

Salinas says, “Use your tongue all over his body. It’s not gay to do that, it’s sensual.”

Gay men play well with your girlfriends because they make them feel good about themselves. It really is simple; you just have to ask questions and notice things! Look for things like a new hair color or style, or a new outfit. Just tell her that you notice. It is that simple. Clemons says, “Ask open ended questions like, ‘How was your day?’ to show her that you care.”

Girls always tell gay guys things like, “I wish you were straight!” It seems that all women want is a gay man who likes to sleep with women. Therefore they get the sensitivity, the selflessness, and the confidence that they pine for from their boyfriends.

Guys, before you do something, look at it from her point of view and try to forecast her reaction. Most of the time you’ll be right.

Cesar Salinas, a junior dance major says, “Generally, if a guy and a girl like each other, there is always a way to work it out and compromise.” Don’t throw in the towel unless you’ve put up a good fight.

Girls have to be realistic though. “Balance your expectations with reality. Are you really going to accomplish anything by getting him to go shopping with you for three hours? Do you even want him there if he’s going to be miserable?” It’s important to think about his happiness too. Don’t think that because he doesn’t want to do something with you that he’s a lost cause.

Krebuszewski reminds us that, “men don’t always think with their dicks.” Although it may often seem that brain number two, residing between their legs, wants to burrow in your cozy nest, it doesn’t mind taking a break so that brain number one (the bigger one) can work its magic.

Use your gay guy to your benefit. If you can’t afford a therapist, a gay man is the next best thing.