Let's Get It On

Let’s face it: sex is a hot topic in today’s world. We have conservative groups telling us that SpongeBob is gay and that sex is still wrong (they love to harp that same-sex couplings are especially wrong, the most foolish ramblings imaginable if you ask me), Kinsey, the film about famed sex researcher Alfred Kinsey is doing quite well, and every ad for any product imaginable throws sex right into your face. One could even become a robot: sex good, other stuff bad.

So, in light of that, it’s always a good thing to have some sort of guide to help you find your way through the world of sex. Sure there are doctors and talk show hosts that can give you advice on what your sex life should be like, but what do they know? The times are always changing and no single generation could ever give another completely correct advice on sex. Though my father has sure given me some interesting stories… ah, the sixties.

So where are the young people of America to turn to today for advice on sex? Surely you don’t want to ask the guy down the hall for advice, I mean, he practices strangulation masturbation. And the girl you share your room with? Totally into the chubby love. See, we are all different, and television isn’t going to be helping us anytime soon. So, we must turn toward something that many people have left behind: books.

Now, there are countless books on the market today that attempt to help people of both genders in all different demographics with their sex lives. Granted, I cannot name any of these books, but know what they are about: how to satisfy your lover, guides to better oral sex, and so on. But, wouldn’t it be great if there was one book that put all these other sources to rest; one book that made all these other advice arenas moot points? Well, thankfully there is, and it comes in the form of The Guide to Getting it On!

The 782 page opus written by psychoanalyst Paul Joannides and illustrated by Dærick Gröss Sr. covers everything you’d ever want to know about sex, and even some things you didn’t want to know but should anyway. For proof, here are some chapter titles: “Sunsets, Orgasms and Hand Grenades,” “Doing Yourself in Your Partner’s Presence,” “Fun With Your Foreskin,” “Sex on the Interstate and in the Woods,” and “Sex When You are Horny and Disabled.”

The Guide covers every aspect of sexual life (focusing primarily on heterosexuality, but there is a chapter titled “Gay & Bi” that everyone should read) from the history of sex, the bra, and dirty words (see: bitch, faggot, and motherfucker), to how to bring new aspects of sexual life into the bedroom (lovers masturbating themselves in front of each other, anal sex, role-playing, etcetera). The detailed illustrations make the experience all the more fulfilling. There are detailed diagrams of both sexes’ reproductive organs (including one of the penis sans testicles), pictures on different positions, and how different vulvas and penises look.

Now, before conservative watchdogs set out to destroy every copy of The Guide, we, as a society, must remember that sex is a part of our lives. Author Joannides recently said: “I recently asked one of the wisest sex researchers in the country [about sex in today’s society]; a professor at the University of Vermont. He didn’t pause or hesitate. He said that despite our seemingly greater awareness about sex, people aren’t any more at ease with their sexuality today than they were 40 years ago. That might seem strange, because in this country we use sexually explicit images to sell everything from cars to soap. But there’s something about being straightforward about sex in our intimate relationships that makes a lot of us uncomfortable. Fortunately, The Guide seems to help with that.”

Indeed it does. If there is one book out there that can help us be more comfortable with sex and be better at it, The Guide is it. The book teaches readers not only the art of sexual situations, but waxes poetic on the art of kissing and romance as well. Needless to say, The Guide to Getting it On! has every base of relationship love and sex covered. It’ll even come in handy years down the line, for the chapters on sex after marriage and pregnancy. The Guide to Getting it On! is everything we ever needed to and should know about sex, and, in today’s increasingly buttoned-down society, it comes as a breath of fresh air just in time for Valentine’s Day. Big kisses.