Valentine’s Day is the Venti coffee of Hallmark holidays: initially uplifting, intermediately disquieting, and finally fatiguing, leading into a hard comedown. When a coffee addict buys his next cup, he can never see the crash after the caffeine has run its course. Likewise, lovers on Valentine’s Day addicted to the fervor of passion and zesty kisses force themselves, without forethought, into the search for the perfect date. It sounds good at first, but by the end of the corporately-endorsed day, Romeo and Juliet find themselves with less money and doing what they would have been doing anyway: making the double-backed beast.
To take the pain out of this search, I have painstakingly prepared a list of four Valentine’s Day dates that I hope will conclude in successful manner. The price of each date varies, at moderate costs, so you can love instead of being subjected to merciless consumerism.
Hot Hole #1: Spot Coffee (227 Delaware Ave.)
So coffee’s become not only a trope but a date – fantastic. Spot Coffee has many weapons at its disposal: delicious coffee and espresso, sugary pastries to fuel the buzz, plush furniture, and derelicts just outside the door, begging for some jingle-jang cash for their own special, stimulating treat.
Like most cafés, Spot Coffee offers a conversational atmosphere and a location for new (or old) couples to learn the important (or trivial) details of one another’s lives. The comfortable chairs and hot beverages give you a reason to sit and chat for awhile, and when conversation becomes sluggish, Queen City’s drunkards are usually creeping about the bars nearby to provide you with a sadistic conversation piece.
Since Spot Coffee is easy to access by the subway, it is a satisfactory pick for the vehicularly challenged. All freshmen who live on-campus can take the bus to South and hop on the Valentine train. By using public transportation, the romantic will have no worries about driving into parked cars, subsequent high collision bills, or felony charges for driving away without a word. This is a no-felony date.
Steamy Spot #2: Cecelia’s (716 Elmwood Ave.)
Cecelia’s provides a classic type of Valentine’s Day date. With its trendy décor, live smooth-jazz and gourmet Italian food and table clothes, Cecelia’s will woo. The cuisine is delicious at around $12 to $18 per dinner.
Definitely wear more lavish clothing than usual if you decide to go to Cecelia’s – unless you want to look like a scrub. Reservations are recommended any day at Cecelia’s but are necessary on Valentine’s Day – I’m guessing that most couples do not desire to make a 20 minute drive to Cecelia’s only to be turned away and forced to wait for two hours at Tully’s, Applebee’s, or worst of all Denny’s, in order to enjoy a plate of greasy beef with nostalgic memorabilia as the garnish to an evening of romance.
The cost of this date may be more than the price of two cookies and two lattes at Spot Coffee, but it is “classically” more romantic than the other date if you’re so inclined.
Voluptuous Venue #3: Cooking Dinner at Home
Cooking dinner with your date can be a great experience, as long as you know how to operate a kitchen – you know, just find that button under the sink that says cook… I think it’s a green circle with a picture of frying pans above it. This is a cheap option, and unlike going out to eat, your favorite food is always on the menu.
However, I do not suggest cooking dinner in the dorms with your date. There is always some pleasant, sociable creature cruising around the halls just waiting to drop in on your moment and disrupt it with a conversation about how Richard has just vomited in the bathroom or how Rachel is hanging out, literally.
Lusty Location #4: A Quiet Room and a Bottle of Liquor
Since drinking is the number one pastime at this academic institution, bringing your date to a comfortable, private area and enjoying some tasty beverages will probably be a decent date. Every holiday is just an excuse to drink for most of us anyhow. Why not enjoy this holiday by drinking with somebody sexy instead of your backwoods uncle who keeps talking about NASCAR, like he did during your grandma’s Christmas party?
I’m not going to dictate what beverage you should use, but if you show up to your date’s room with a bottle of wine or champagne, he or she will likely find you more romantic than if you show up with a case of Keystone Ice or a handle of Barton’s charcoal filtered vodka – but hey, that’s your call.
The benefits of this date are conspicuous: a complete evening of lusty, chemically enhanced debauchery and libidinal satisfaction.
Hopefully these modest suggestions will keep the excitement of Valentine’s Day intact, while relieving it of anxiety. Good luck to you and your lover.
