Love in the Time of College

I have had sex at college. I’ve had nude photos taken of myself. I’ve taken nude photos of others. I have had sex on kitchen tables. I’ve dated a self-proclaimed lesbian, gotten road head, helped out with a vibrator, had one night stands, known people who have had threesomes, been asked to be in a threesome, made love on a driveway, done one of my best-female-friend’s older sister after kissing said friend, listened to my buddy tell me how he got it on in Lockwood Library and a bevy of other things I won’t mention here. And you know what? It feels great.

Sex is a natural thing for college students. There are condom nights, socks on doorknobs, even a sex column in this here magazine. The act of loving is an inescapable part of our lives and that is why every year we have this issue about sex, just in time for Valentine’s Day.

“But Todd, you too-much-information-giver,” you may say, “Valentine’s Day is about romance, not sex.” Oh no, gentle reader. By saying such a thing we must assume that sex and romance do not take long strolls together on the beach at sunset.

However, I do think that sex and romance go hand in hand. At least, they do on some level. A little bit of romance is always needed to get to the act of sex, even if it’s merely the drunken leer of a frat boy to a sorority girl across the beer pong table.

So, let us see what levels of romance are around in this, the collegiate life. There are a great many terms that describe what guys and girls can be together: dating, hooking up, etc. These are the seeds of sex. But there is a big difference between a relationship and hooking up. A relationship entails more emotional feeling. It’s somewhere that two people begin to build a place that only they inhabit. A little space of their lives that is infinite, as I like to say: a world within the world. This is where emotional dependency is forged and sustained, where the flowers of love can bloom.

If that sounds too cheesy or like too much work, one can always opt for simply hooking up, also known as “friends with benefits.” Such a situation isn’t really meant to last though, as Seinfeld taught us in the episode “The Deal.” This fact doesn’t discourage collegians from attempting to have the regular hook-ups though, or le bootay call, as they say. Many have tried, I know I have… and failed. It takes a calm, cold, almost mechanical person to be able to continue a string of hook-ups, except, Buddha knows, there is no short supply of this type of person.

But what does it matter? Isn’t the idea of sex, on some level, what the college experience is all about? We’re young, away from home, doing things of our own volition. Sex at this age is raw, boisterous, experimental, and frequent. Love may not always accompany the sex, but don’t worry, life is long, love will come by sooner or later. Even if love should appear now, huzzah and good luck, it’s a whole other can of worms that I won’t be delving into here. Except to say: never fake love, never fool someone into loving you, and remember that love is more complicated than a Rubik’s Cube.

Sure, sex can be complicated too, but, hey, this is college, a time to learn. John Barth, novelist and former University at Buffalo professor, once wrote: “My feeling about technique in art is that it has about the same value as technique in lovemaking. Heartfelt ineptitude has its appeal and so does heartless skill; but what you want is passionate virtuosity.” How true.

So, dear reader, put down this magazine for a moment, find your lover, no matter if they are the opposite or the same sex, and if you don’t have a lover, find someone who makes you happy, hold them close, kiss them passionately, and let the sparks fly. Spring is on the way, a herald for what can only be a summer of love. And, well, if not love, then at least some of the most passionate virtuosity imaginable.

Always making love and not war in Buffalo,

Todd