Thou shalt not hump amongst those whose dormitory floor is the same as your own. In doing so, you will incur my wrath. Also, it shalt probably be weird.

Honor thy bro’s before thine ho’s always; and likewise for ho’s, keep ho’s above thine bro’s. They shalt be the better advisors in times of great stress or beer gogglage, and he who so listens wilt most likely avoid a crazy bitch.

Thou shalt not steal ass from thy best friend, unless they should leave the party. Then, it’s probably cool.

Thou shalt not kill the buzz of thine ugly friend as he hits on an ugly person. Let him be; he needs it.

Thou shalt honor the Sabbath, or whatever day follows some really bad decision-making. Thou shalt wear comforting sweaters and be charming, but not too charming, as thou atones for the sins of last night’s Jungle Juice incident.

Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s ass. However, thou may become close “platonic” friends with thy neighbor’s ass, getting them to confide and trust in you until such time as they should break up with thy neighbor, and then you may get the ass drunk, hump for a night or two, and then break out like nothing ever happened.

Thou shalt not hook up with your ex at a party… well, not more than once. Yes, there shalt be one time at which you may hook up with your ex at a party, but only if ye be incredibly wasted, and then it shalt not happen again, unless you really need a ride or something.

Thou shalt not eat meat on the Sabbath day, unless it’s his/her birthday, or you’re ‘returning the favor,’ or if it’s a bouncer.

Thou shalt not start hooking up with a close friend in vain. It shalt ruin the dynamic of the friendship, and thy mutual friends shalt most likely get annoyed. Most importantly, within one harvest, you shalt probably not be on speaking terms anymore, so make it worth it.

Thou shalt not commit adultery... HA! I’m just kiddin’, I’d never do that to ya. Oh, but you should have seen your face when you thought I was serious.