This is the true story of seven strangers, picked to live in a house and run the world. See what happens when people stop being polite and start being real. The Real World: United Nations.
Last Week: In a tumultuous turn of events, George Bush shocked the rest of the housemates by proposing to kick Saddam Hussein, the lovable tyrant, out of the house. In an even more shocking turn, Bush didn't listen to any of the housemates when they said they wanted to keep Saddam, and still kicked him out. Also: Fidel Castro and Pope John Paul II went out for a night on the town and ended up spending a very intimate night together; Tony Blair drunk dialed the Queen at 4 in the morning; Hu Jintao, president of China, bad mouthed Ariel Sharon, over Ariel's not cleaning the dishes; and Khofi Annan and Jaques Chirac learned how to use the fax machine.
Episode 8: New Roomate
The sun rises slowly over the United Nations building in New York City and some big changes are about to take place. Ever since the ousting of Saddam last week, the roommates have been anxiously awaiting his replacement.
“I hope he's a good Christian,” Bush told the Confessional. “God wanted me to be on this show, so I'm sure he would pick a good person to be on with me.”
At ten in the morning, a cab pulls up in front of the house. All the roommates gather in the living room to meet the replacemenent.
“This is mighty exciting, eh Jacques, old boy?” Blair said to Chirac.
“Je ne m'inquiète pas,” Chirac replied.
“Right,” Blair said, “Well, did you hear what Fidel and J.P. did last night? Scandalous.”
Before Chirac could answer, there was a knock on the door. Khofi opened it and before the roommates stood a short Asian fellow with an angry look on his face. All the roommates greeted the man with smiles, except Bush who immediately went to the phone to call his mistress, Anne Coulter, and tell her that he didn't trust the new man.
shouted the new roommate, Kim Jong Il. Before the existing housemates could answer, the small man took his bags and immediately ran upstairs into a bedroom, slammed, and locked the door.
Before anyone could speak, Bush walked back into the room. “This is horrible,” he wailed. “I worked so hard to get ride of that there Saddam and got him replaced by a crazy Korean. Dag nabbit! How do you solve a problem like Korea?”
“Well,” Blair said, putting his hand on Bush's shoulder. “Why don't we all go talk to the old boy and see what his story is, what?”
“No! We need him out, right now!” the Texan shrieked.
“Oh. Well, right you are. I'm behind you 100 percent!” Blair responded. When Bush walked away, he turned to Khofi and Chirac and said: “That boy is nutters, he is.”
“Blair, vous êtes un imbécile. Je vous déteste toujours pendant les cent années de guerre,” Chirac said. Khofi chuckled and the two left the room laughing. Blair was quiet.
Later that day…
“He's got the President of China in their with him!” Bush squealed in the Confessional. “Those two have locked themselves in the room and they will not come out! They are tighter than a hen and rooster in a Texas sandstorm! They are going to burn down the house! They have lighters in there! Lighters! We have to do something before they kill us all! I have to act now before things get too out of hand, like they have with that Poper and that Fidel. They just lie in bed all day. It's un-Christian! It's like a horse that won't lead you to water in south Texas. Texas. Don't mess with Texas. Texas!”
Things became strained in the house as the day wore on. Jintao and Kim Jong were screaming indecipherable things at the roommates, who were becoming increasingly worried that Bush would do something foolish. Chirac and Khofi left for the night, declaring that everyone was too stupid to be dealt with at the moment, leaving Blair behind to side with whatever insanity Bush spouted. Fidel and the Pope refused to leave their bedroom too, except for when Fidel sent the Pope to get him some more cigars. Everything seemed to be quieting down for the night until the front door exploded inward and three shady characters stepped inside.
“My friends!” Bush shouted to Dick Cheney, Donald Rumsfeld and Condi Rice.
“Let's get those bastards!” Cheney shouted.
“We have enough troops,” Rumsfeld said, “even without the draft.”
“I think those two men have a direct link to Al Qaeda,” Condi said smugly.
The four friends hugged tightly and shouted: “America! America! Stopping on your terror-erica! Yeah!”
Blair shook his head and, to himself, said: “Oh bloody hell.”
Next Week:
The roommates all decide what to do about the crazies in the house, a lost dog comes in to hang out with Castro, Blair burns a crumpet, Bush kisses Condi somewhere unnatural, and a solar eclipse blinds one of the housemates!
