Well, it’s that time of year again. The sun has finally started peeking out around the thick clouds you thought were never going away, the birds are chirping once again, and love is in the air. It must be time to fill out your 1040!
For many students, taxes can be strange and confusing the first few times. You might fumble and insert your figures wrong, or become hopelessly confused by cryptic instructions. In a way, taxes are a lot like sex.
But fear not! Taxes can actually benefit you. If a complex sequence of mathematical calculations involving your income, age, favorite color, and horoscope comes out in your favor, Uncle Sam might actually send you a check! But if you want that refund money you’ll have to be ready to claim a lot of deductions. You didn’t think students had anything to deduct, did you? Think again! Let this guide be your ticket to a hefty refund this April.
One of the most efficient ways to save money on taxes is to have dependents. Since that traditionally means kids, most college students will simply leave this box blank and move on. But all you have to do is take a literal interpretation of “dependent.” How about your friend who always gets drunk and sleeps on your couch? Deduct that freeloader. Or how about your friend who depends on you for a ride to campus? The word “depend” is right in there. When you think about it, your tuition pays the bills for the staff of the entire university. So give the IRS a break and just put down 1,000 dependents or so.
Business expenses can also be deducted. However, working register at Wendy’s doesn’t really incur a lot of personal expense on your part. All you have to do is write for an on-campus literary publication. That way, you can write off that new bong as a “creativity enhancing workshop tool.”
The disabled can often write off plenty of expenses associated with their handicap. Claim on your form that you lost a leg in Vietnam, simultaneously picking up veteran’s benefits. Worried about an audit? No need to get frazzled nerves, a bottle of Jack Daniels and a rusty saw are all you need to make things right if the IRS comes knocking.
Donating an old car to charity is a great way to trim a few dollars from your taxes. Still, not many people have a spare car just lying around. Thankfully, the University at Buffalo has your back. Just start a phony club and take out an SA van in your best friend’s name, drop the thing off at Salvo, and you can laugh all the way to the bank.
Is the cost of throwing parties getting you down? No problem. Next time you plan to fill your house with staggering underage freshmen, simply call it a “charity dinner.” Hand plates to out everyone, then deduct $300 for each one.
Do you do volunteer work? No, of course you don’t, you’re in college. However, you might do more for the disadvantaged than you think. How about hitting those blue handicapped buttons around campus? Surely that’s helping the disabled. Add up those seconds you spend flailing your arms into blue panels, and you come up with a good chunk of time. Ever shovel your sidewalk? That’s a public service! Did you call your grandmother on her birthday? That’s helping the elderly. By the time you’re done, the government will be shipping you a plaque for your hours of valuable community service.
All it takes to make tax season a little less painful is some creativity. Apply these tips to your 1040, and before you know it the IRS will need a special truck to carry all your refund cash. They’ll be outside your house in some kind of truck, at least. Oh, and can you pay me my fee in cash? (I have a little tax problem.)
