Hey guys, Carson Daly here, hangin’ out with the staff of Generation Television, or GTV, the raddest new entertainment resource since that celebrity-worshipping consumer-friendly product placement landfill of American youth culture I used to work for.

Channels like GTV are so important to our culture because they teach young people how to live their lives. How would America’s kids learn the social traits necessary for interacting with others if they didn’t learn them from the real life experiences of overdramatic 20-somethings with above average looks?

How could they adopt a good work ethic if they didn’t watch unemployed college dropouts struggle, day in and day out, with the bloodthirsty corporate nightmare that comes with running their own frozen fruit stand?

Finally, how will today’s kids ever stand up to the lingering injustices of the entrenched American power structure if they don’t first watch the blonde with the big tits and Southern accent bitch out the Haitian bisexual manic depressive recreational painter for picking up the phone in the middle of a tearfully ratings-friendly discussion with tits’s father about his upcoming skin graft/oboe recital?

GTV was created as the voice of a generation, a role it still serves today. That voice has spoken loud and clear: “Please, dazzle us, take our money, replace our music with shows about how that music (or its video) was made. Use seemingly everyday people to show us how fat, boring, and poor we are. Live the American Dream for us, and let us enjoy vicariously the thrills of living in undeserved wealth and dream of one day becoming carefree and whimsical enough to live our lives like those of the attention-whores you lionize. Oh, and drop the new 50 Cent joint; we need a new catch-phrase.”

I am honored to have been a part of the fulfillment of such dreams. Please enjoy the next 20 hours of GTV’s April Fool’s marathon, and always remember: I’m banging better-looking women than you are.

Yours with a throbbing prostate,

Carson Daly