Dear GTV,
My name is Alyssa. I am a student at the University at Buffalo and yesterday was THE WORST day of my entire 19 year life. For real.
I woke up around 12:30 yesterday, just in time to go to World Civ. I really hate it when I do that. If I could only sleep half an hour more, I could just skip like everyone else. But no, I went to class. And that was Bad Thing Number One. (And just to add to the crappiness, I couldn’t wear my favorite pink “Bite Me” velour sweat suit because my roommate puked on me last night at PJ’s. She’s such a bitch sometimes. I mean, who can’t handle seven Caribbean Shooters? I know I can.)
Bad Thing Number Two happened when I went to the pretzel and smoothie place at Putnam’s after class and they were all out of diet raspberry banana power powder smoothies. God! I really really hate it when that happens. And those old ladies that work there are so dumb – they’re slow and deaf and wrinkly. I’m going to kill myself if I ever look like that. But I know I won’t.
So after figuring out that the day was just going to suck, I went back to Wilkeson to give myself a pedicure. Right after I had selected just the perfect shade of polish (Ruby Red Butterfly Wings by Sparkletastic), I heard a knock on my door. And that is when my world came crashing down.
My friend Nicole had come to deliver the devastating news that “Oh my God Alyssa! You are never going to believe this! I almost died! I just heard… are you ready? You can’t be ready. There is no ready for this. Ok I’ll just tell you. You are just going to die. I almost died. I mean it. This is horrible. Ok, are you ready? Really? You mean it? Ok here goes. *long pause* There is no Louis Vuitton.”
And my life, as I knew it, was over.
As you can imagine, Nicole and I were totally upset. Some geeky engineering girl she had to sit next to on the bus had told her about Louis, and she had come running straight to my room, knowing I’d want to be the first to know. After crying for an hour and throwing the Ruby Red Butterfly Wings polish against my roommate’s favorite Outkast poster, we realized that there was a way to fix all this. GTV! You guys are the trendiest, hippest, and just plain best people to turn to for all the latest news in what’s hot or not. (Not like that horrible website. God. People are so dumb.)
So here’s my question. Is there a Louis Vuitton? This is a matter of life and death, so I’ll be waiting anxiously in Hubie’s near the mailroom for your answer. (I can’t wait closer to the mailboxes – only dorks do that.)
Hugs and Kisses 4EVER!
Luv,
Alyssa.
Dear Alyssa,
Hey what’s up from GTV! My name is Mandi and I bet you know who I am – your favorite GTV VJ! We got your letter yesterday and we were so bothered by the fact that someone would say such horrible things I had to answer it right away.
Alyssa, that girl on the bus was totally wrong. She has been affected by the doubt that comes from an unfair world. Engineering majors don’t believe anything except what they see, and they like to try to be mean to cool people like you and me. They are like the onions you scrape off your chicken finger sub every day at Hubie’s – totally replaceable, but as if you’d ever want to.
Yes, Alyssa, there is a Louis Vuitton. He exists as certainly as love, and money, and love of money exist. God! I can’t imagine how horrible it would be if there were no Louis Vuitton; it would be as bad as if there weren’t any Alyssas or Mandis. There would be no style, no fashion, no accessorizing of orange bombshells to make the Buffalo winter bearable.
Not believe in Louis Vuitton? You might as well not believe in the power of a pair of Jimmy Choos and an Exlax salad to make any girl’s day brighter. Just because nobody sees Louis Vuitton doesn’t mean he doesn’t live in each and every one of our cold, merciless, fashion-loving hearts. LV is waiting patiently for you, Alyssa, to discover him in your heart and urge you to drive your new BMW to the Galleria to buy another $500 purse with your daddy’s money. You deserve it, Alyssa. Now hurry up and get to the mall.
We luv u 2,
Mandi, GTV
