Now That’s Entertainment! The Inferno III: Fallujah (10 out of 10)
The latest season of The Inferno follows suit with the recent string of revolutionary programming offered by GTV. In a cunning move, executive producers Mary-Ellis Bunim and Jonathan Murray decided that the two competing teams (comprised of everyone’s favorite Real World cast members) were to be stationed in a barracks outside of Fallujah for a series of games hosted by Tony Hawk. With the cooperation of the United States Armed Forces, the production was given special clearance, as the competition would entail the completion of specific military objectives in the surrounding area.
As always, the cast is a mix of men and women who were on previous seasons of The Real World. Bound by contract, the cast must perform in games to eliminate the other team and win the grand prize of $15,000 and 2 free nights at the Grand Royale Hotel in downtown Binghamton. This season boasts the antics of 24 cast members, including: David Broom from the New Orleans cast, Frankie Abernathy from the San Diego cast, Puck Rainey from San Francisco, Flora Alekseyeun from Miami and the ghost of Pedro Zamora.
The show itself is not dissimilar from many current reality television programs, but the unique nature of its content and the positive message it presents in helping the military set it high above the standard. In the opening of the first show, the two teams convened at a top-secret base to receive their mission objectives from Tony Hawk, who proceeded to wow them with his righteous skateboard skills. After planning their strategy, they gathered the necessary equipment provided by the Army, including AK-47s, pistols, sniper rifles, rocket launchers, grenades and wide range of other explosives.
The opening game saw the two teams to an open minefield near Shuhada, the southern most area of Fallujah. Tony Hawk dropped onto a platform in the middle of the field via parachute and gave the instructions through a megaphone. The members of each team were to take turns in moving four dozen eggs, one at a time, from one end of the minefield to another with a spoon. As a requirement, each player would have to hop on one leg while transporting the eggs, or else he or she would be disqualified. To outline the dangers of the mines, Tony Hawk blew a whistle and called for the band members of Maroon 5 to walk across the field. The five following explosions assured the two teams (the Locusts and the Frogs) that the possibility of fiery, painful death was very real.
Despite the gravity of the situation and humanity’s tragic loss of Maroon 5, many of the cast members were infuriated because they were hoping to get some use out of the state of the art artillery placed at their disposal. Trouble was also brewing between Frankie and Irene (from Real World Seattle) because they were at odds over who left the toilet seat up the previous night. Soon after this argument started to gain heat, Puck shot some heroine and began to scream uncontrollably about his need for the grand prize trip to Binghamton. The ghost of Pedro tried to comfort him by singing Pat Benitar’s “Love is a Battlefield”, but Puck just threw his fists at the ectoplasmic apparition and swore that Pedro had taken the easy way out. Sh#! was getting out of control! The separate quarrels soon turned into a giant free-for-all and everyone came to fists in the heat of the afternoon sun as gunfire and bombs exploded in the distance.
Fortunately, all was settled when Irene blamed the incident of the toilet seat on her lyme disease and begged Frankie for forgiveness. The teams reassembled and Tony Hawk gave the signal to go. The Locusts got off to a good start with Puck hopping along at great speed. However, they suffered their first loss when passing fighter planes distracted him causing him to trip and break the egg. In a fit of rage, he knocked the nearest cameraman off of his feet. The explosion ended both of their lives and the Frogs pulled ahead for the win. Angered by the performance of their recently deceased team member, the Locusts brushed it off claiming that he was of no use because he would have been disqualified anyways. “We were going to try and get him eliminated in the first Inferno round, but fate really stepped in… it has a funny way of doing that sometimes,” said the ghost of Pedro in response to the situation.
The next day came and maestro Tony Hawk presented a new game. The objective was for each team to infiltrate the same insurgent base under the cover of night and dispatch as many enemy targets as possible. The team with the most confirmed kills would emerge victorious. This is exactly what they had been waiting for! Unfortunately, their military skill was nonexistent and the remaining cast members (all of them except Pedro’s ghost who is already dead), the camera crew and the show’s technicians were sexually molested and brutally executed on tape by Iraqi insurgents and members of the Taliban. The deeply disturbing footage is horrific to behold, and will be used in Kurt Loder’s long-awaited documentary entitled Riding the Wave: GTV News on the Frontline.
Moving past the shaky beginnings of what is becoming one of the most watched reality programs in recent years, the proceeding episodes of The Inferno III: Fallujah have examined the impact of this tragedy by highlighting the bold sacrifice of the entire crew. In next week’s episode, Tony Hawk will console friends and family of those involved by attempting a backside 1080 misty flip with a mute grab and giving out free blowjobs. The next two teams of Real World cast members will also be revealed as they begin preperations for a revenge mission. Now that’s entertainment!
