8 a.m. Wake up. The best moment of the day before I realize how empty and unrewarding my life is.
9 a.m. Arrive at work and sit in my office. Begin thinking about what I have to do today. Start preparing for TRL’s interview with 50 Cent and Britney Spears about their new collaboration, “Cheetoh Sucker”. Sigh, I did my dissertation on ethics in journalism.
10 a.m. Morning meeting with the other writers and some VJ’s. Begin planning for a new season of Punk’d, but why bother? It’s just another excuse for Ashton to promote his latest marriage-themed cinematic train wreck. We are also doing a diary of some mascot for some university in western New York. I hope no one notices how out of touch we’ve become.
11 a.m. Had to meet with my boss over the quality of my work as of late. She said that I was not working with the same enthusiasm I once had and some recent incidents only further proved this. I apologized for nodding off on national television during the Jessica Simpson special. They needed an extra person for the crowd during Nick and Jessica’s May Day Parade. For some reason the couple decided to celebrate the Communist holiday with a big concert and TV special. Nick and Jessica got into wacky situations while learning the plight of the working class. I really don’t know who had the idea or how they got Nick and Jessica to agree to it. Long story short, I was filmed falling asleep during the song about Johnny the migrant farmer. My boss made valid points and had a right to be angry but it is hard to listen to her when I keep thinking about the possible source of all the STD’s going around at the office.
12 p.m. Lunch time. I eat a ham sandwich and think about how my high school voted me most likely to interview the President. In a few hours the host of TRL will be asking 50 Cent if he was ever tempted to put the moves on the recently married and possibly pregnant Britney Spears. Sometimes I look at these people and just wish I could start punching them in the face.
1 p.m. Waste an hour looking at work from when I first began working at GTV. My review of The Passion was rather funny; I’ll have to give myself credit for that. Now I stare at the screen trying to write witty dialogue for Martha Stewart’s new show. The idea is that now that she is out of prison, GTV can run a show where a tougher Stewart shows an edgier side of domesticity. Due to my lack of street cred, nothing comes to mind. Sigh.
2 p.m. Head into makeup and wardrobe before TRL starts. Blankly stare at the host while they pencil in his eyebrows as I try to brief him on what to ask today’s guests. After realizing that he was only half listening I wondered what would happen if an octopus suddenly became bipedal. Spent the next half an hour mapping out my life in the wake of a possible octopus apocalypse. Really hope the octopi kill everyone in this building too. It would be a funny site seeing my boss and Alicia Keys strangled in giant tentacles.
4 p.m. Watching TRL. The host introduces some videos that play for ten seconds and then show the crowd. With someone would punch this pimply kid in the face who will not stop going on about how much 50 Cent’s music has made an impact on his life. 50 Cent and Britney Spears come out and the interview is going well until the hosts asks one of the questions I wrote (the one involving a possible romantic chemistry between the two). 50 Cent starts flirting with Britney Spears. In a jealous rage Kevin Federline, Britney’s husband, pounces on 50. Suddenly, a loud call is heard, “G G G G G G G-UNNNIIITT”. The call signals the entire G-Unit who proceeds to throw Federline out of the window. Kevin falls out of the window and onto the one fan that stands outside everyday with an “I Love GTV sign”. When the show started, we’d have hundreds of kids out there everyday. However, these days we only get one. I guess this network has fallen hard.
5 p.m. Damage control after today’s TRL. My boss is furious at me for writing in that question. Really, how was I supposed to know her husband was in the audience? The man looked like one of the stagehands. Britney stormed into the office and started crying about how it was my fault for getting “her man” all riled up. My boss is also telling me that Kevin’s hospital bills will be coming out of my salary. Nothing about the poor kid he landed on though. Before leaving Britney seemed to mumble something about the kaballah bracelet Madonna gave her. I couldn’t make it out though; I think it was a curse.
9 p.m. Finally sat down to relax after another day at GTV. Watched Mary Tyler Moore reruns all night. Oh, Ted Baxter where have you gone? I went into television journalism thinking it would be just like this show. Oh well, I guess the job will do. The pay is decent and the suspension of dignity is not so bad.
