Welcome to I Love This Issue on GH1, the newest in a line of programs that will help you wax reminiscent about events that occurred as little as ten seconds ago. It all started with I Love The 80s… and then it expanded. It jumped from decade to decade, devouring whatever came into its path. Before we knew it, we had Best Week Ever. Great, panels of people you don’t know making lame jokes about news you wish you had forgotten. The long term memory span of Americans has been reduced to mere hours, and it’s only getting worse. God help us.
Ahem. So, here we go with the super-current I Love This Issue!
Letters Page: Wow, I remember this article. It’s been so long since the cover opened, I’m sure most of you have forgotten! This week we wrote to a distressed young girl about the existence of kindly old Louis Vuitton. Thankfully, Mandi set our concerned young one right. It reminds me of just last week, when a small child looked me in the eye and asked me, “Is there a real Terri Schiavo?” Of course, I told him…What? Too soon?
MADE: I Want to be a JAP: Oh, this was so long ago! Like, half a cup of coffee ago even. The story details the journey of a young girl to be the coolest, prettiest, and most popular Jewish American Princess. Of course, I know all about being one of the popular kids. In high school, we would always go to the wildest Dungeons and Dragons parties, and this one time I even felt up this girl when I tripped getting off the school bus. Wait, you mean that wasn’t third base? Aww, damnit!
GTV Films: Castaway 2: Isn’t it great that we get the scoop on all the latest movie developments from GTV? Get over to GTV.com right now and you can download the new GTV Movie-Update! Never miss the latest developments on the most anticipated films in Hollywood! The newest feature: auto-script-downloads! With ASD, you’ll never have to worry about walking into a movie theater not knowing what the ending will be.
Also check out the new GH1 Celebrity-Update. Don’t go another second without knowing the status of Beniffer again!
Oh, and that Castaway thing was good I guess. I didn’t really look at it much.
Diary of Victor E Bull: Wow, the football team at UB is sure terrible. In fact, I’d say that they fumbled their entire season! Oh boy, that was a thigh slapper! That’s the kind of hilarity you get on I Love This Issue; we don’t hold anything back. Damn, I need some coke.
All Things Rock: What a rocking piece! It was really cool to learn all that the rock scene had to offer. People thought it was so fun to look back at both old and new rocking moments. Yup, that’s pretty much what we do here at GH1; recycling. No way this one is going to hit…rock bottom! Ha! Wait, you’re telling me the whole thing is actually about rocks? Are you serious? Like the kind in the ground? What the hell is that? I need a new agent…
A Day in the Life of a GTV Writer: Oh, just wonderful. Why don’t you just rub it in my face, huh? Going through that shit is bad enough, now you want me to remember it? That’s real nice.
You know, I didn’t have to work at GTV. Yea, I could have worked at that country music magazine. You know, The Pillar. Shit, gimme that vodka.
Best Issue Ever? What kind of an idea is that? Who the hell cares what happened thirty seconds ago? We have that already, it’s called the news, and I don’t think there’s much more room in the market.
