It’s the beginning of a new semester here at the University at Buffalo, which means only one thing: the Inside Touch is here to bring you all the latest in what’s important in popular culture!

Now you may be asking, “Mr. Panntsy, how do you get the “Inside Touch” on all the latest entertainment news?” Well let me tell you—I know people. The summer may be winding down for you, but like I say, it’s always summer in Hollywood, so I keep a Hollywood state of mind at all times. Let’s get down to serious business.

Everyone knows that the King of Hotness, Brad Pitt, is in bed with the Queen of Collagen, Angelina Jolie, but what you may not know is that it is biblically alright now; Mr. Pitt and Jennifer Aniston (Brennifer or Jrad as I used to refer to them) are finally divorced.

Oh My! Does this mean yours truly will finally get a chance at that lovely hunk of man? I certainly hope so! Just as long as Angelina doesn’t already have him locked in her lips. Ay O!

Well even if I don’t get a chance to wrap my tentacles around Brad, at least now he can live his I’m-better-than-a-TV-actress life with a deranged, lunatic B-movie actress. Oh, Angelina, I kid! I kid!

Speaking of Angelina, her little Asian wonder, Maddox, just lost all his attention to a new baby sister. Oh, how he’ll learn to hate her! Brad, on the other hand, will learn that the sex may be good but there are more stable prospects… like me for instance. Me-ow!

Item! TomKat (Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes for those of you not in the know) is on the prowl, and it seems things are seriously heating up. Tom may have 20 plus more years, but he is no match for Katie’s long legs, especially when she has to kneel down to kiss him. Ouch!

But seriously, this couple has been the talk of the town for a long time now, and their engagement in early June is just more proof of what MSNBC correspondent Michael Ventre calls a “tsunami of romance.” Well let’s just hope Katie keeps up on her Dianetics, or else Tom might sic the ghost of scientology guru L. Ron Hubbard on her. Now that’s something I’d like to see! For all you serious TomKat fans, you can keep up on all the latest concerning the couple by joining the fan listing at www.black-inside.org/tomkat.

In movie news, director Ron Howard is hard at work on a film adaptation of Dan Brown’s ever-popular best-selling novel, The DaVinci Code. The production is tightly under wraps. However, we do know that Tom Hanks is set to star as Robert Langdon, a professor who uncovers messages in the works of the famed artist and reveals a vast conspiracy dating back to the beginning of Christianity. Controversy abounds! However, there is no doubt in my mind—I smell Oscar!

In similar news, I saw National Treasure on a flight back from El Salvador. About ten mintues in, I thought, Oh, gee whiz! This is the DaVinci Code!!! So I drank some Nyquil and peach shnapps, looked at some pictures of Hanson, and fell asleep.

Fresh off the press! It seems that things with Cameron Diaz and Justin Timberlake might take a turn for the worse. Reports claim that the strapping young pop star has been caught dancing circles around the blonde bombshell by cheating on her. All I can do is hope that she doesn’t pull any Charlie’s Angels moves on that beautiful face.

And just in case you haven’t heard, everyone’s favorite silicon vixen, Pamela Anderson, is shacking it up with cock-of-the-walk Tommy Lee again. Will these two ever learn? Or rather, will little Pamcakes finally just admit that she loves his humongous… ego. I, for one, always like a big ego. A big ego is good.

Well, that about wraps things up from my end. I have to be on my way to the local Boy’s Club so I can watch repeats of the MTV Video Music Awards with some of the boys I sponsor. Little Roger, Archibald, and the gang always love talking to me about the latest fashion trends, and I cannot be the one to disappoint them. Bless their little hearts!

I’ll be keeping an eye out for all the latest concerning all of our celebrity friends! Until next time! Ta ta!

Oh, P.S.: On September 2, the Department of Defense listed the number of American deaths in the Iraq War at 1,883. So you can take that for that it’s worth. Toodles!