To the hot dynamics TA, you are the hottest guy to ever walk this earth and I wish you weren’t graduating yet because I think you are incredible

To PSY101 StarWars Kid, you only need to click that thing once, not in a fucking circle. Also, the mullet/Chubaca look isn’t working. You are still young, Padawan.

Dear jhericurlish hair, if you do not love your job at Alumni, why don’t you just quit? NO ONE CARES! Be nice. Blow us. -The Alumni Goer

SMOKE A BLUT!!1 I’M BACK BABY! My hits are so fresh they make your neck snap like PLAOW! My rhymes are so cold they kick dust like dirty-girty! Ease off the East Coast, lady, we back in bid-NASTY!

To the Ellicott kids who find it necesary to drive your fucking autmobiles from the Richond parking lot to the Spine, I hope your children come out with Downs Syndrome. Thanks for your time.

VIVE EL ECUADOR!!!!

Dear Sorority girl with the checkered Vans, You’re the hottest lady I’ve ever seen. Do you dig chicks, because I’d like to dig you

What ever happened to Chris Gaines?

My girlfriend’s been away for three months. I’ve got the red strokes.

Ladies, if you’re going to wear heels to class, please learn how to walk in them. I’m just saying this for your own good... You look like assholes.Heel, toe, heel, toe.

Don’t fuck with the Moz

I don’t wanna talk about it.

But Seriusly, I would never like a bitch fix my car.

To the stupid bitch in Fargo 1, you weren’t that good and I was drunk.

Who was the guy que built the Plaaaza Maayour?

Come to Washington D.C. on September 24th. Enough is enough.

Save a tree-- eat a beaver!

blazing hot...blathing hot fire. blahkashin. wildiando afuera de la caja.

1,883.

Bakka bakka bakka bakka bakka!

ATTN: Dooney and Bourke is NOT classy. Don’t be fooled.

Holdin’ down the 516 up in B-Lo this year. We own this bitch. Peace.

But what about Albany?

Hey freshmen-- 1 in 5 of you will not be here next year. Probably a good career move, really.

We’re boned, students.

fomentrebellionfomentrebellionfomentrebellion

hiddenmessagehiddenmessageworshipsatanhiddenmessage

throw yo’ diamonds in the sky if you feel my vibe. --President Simpson

University at Buffalo-- Now with 33% fewer arts programs!

.can.you.catch.my.burning.heart.before.my.soul.begins.to.rust. I’m.so.frickin’.emo.

Free Mumia

Am I the only person on this earth that realizes that Paris Hilton is a fugly, no-talent skank?

Abandoned Reasons for War-- WMD, Saddam’s terrible human rights violations, Al Qaeda links, liberate the people, they’re brown (not really, but it could’ve been), spread democracy, and finally TOO MANY PEOPLE HAVE DIED ALREADY SO LET’S SEND MORE. Reason of the Moment: Oil. OIL! The motherfucker is SAYING it’s about oil now! How many ‘radical militant leftists’ were saying it was about oil 4 years ago? Did you laugh then? I did. Who’s laughing now? Boo this man. BOO HIM. He isn’t even good at being an evil greedy punk anymore. This is embarrassing-- our leaders can’t even properly LIE to us anymore. What will Mexico think? What will our children think?

Marla, I’m watching you at night.

To my ex-roommate: get back under the bridge where you belong, you fucking troll!

I’m glad to see the sorostitutes have finally realized how childish and awful they look in Uggs. Props, kids, you’re only a year behind the rest of the world. Now apparently it’s galoshes. Fuck.

Napoleon Dynamite is or is not a funny movie. Cuong, tie-breaking vote. Is WINS!

Free Lincoln!

...Aaaand Scene! Oh, send us these.