The success of the latest installment in the Harry Potter series has given rise to the belief that the popularity of the boy-wizard Harry Potter may not begin to ebb anytime soon. But some wonder how many new novels in the series can be released due to the ever-increasing age of Harry Potter himself.
In an attempt to quiet the nay-sayers, J.K. Rowling has just released the titles of the next few novels in the series. The titles clearly show that Rowling plans to take Harry Potter well past the turbulent waters of adolescence and into the dangerous adventures of adult life.
“The idea is to get people to abandon the notion that Harry is simply a zit-faced kid who likes to play with brooms,” Rowling stated in a recent interview. “In upcoming books he will tackle issues of sex, drinking, and drugs.”
The death of Headmaster Dumbledore in the latest book, The Half-Blood Prince, will undoubtedly have a profound effect on everybody at Hogwarts. It is Harry, however, who might take it the hardest, given their extremely close history.
“Dumbledore certainly helped Harry through some rough times,” Rowling continued. “Don’t be surprised to see Harry spiral out of control, maybe turn to the bottle.”
Supporters point to the new titles and the thickened plot, as proof of the longevity of the series and its magic-driven star.
“I think everyone will now have to agree that Harry Potter is here to stay,” said Bruce Jameson, chairman of the National Association for the Advancement of Boy-Wizards (NAABW). “I mean, just look at those titles! I can hardly wait for Book Seven, it teases me more than when my girlfriend slips into her black bikini and tells me not to touch.”
Unfortunately, not everyone is ready to jump on the Harry Potter bandwagon. Amy McDonough, leader of a mysterious group known as the Citizens Against the Proliferation of Evil Books and Evil Magics (CAPEBEM), issued the following statement: “We have no doubt that the people of the world will reject the Harry Potter series in all its evil incarnations, and that these future books will only be bought by child-eaters and serial rapists.”
On a side note, only two convicted serial rapists are reported to have read Harry Potter. One alleged child-eater has read the book, but his charges were dropped.
The series, which has taken the literary world by storm since 1999 with its non-stop action and exorbitant amounts of twists, has had critics raving for years. Part of the series’ success stems from the appeal of ordinary boy turned wizard, Harry Potter.
“It hurts when I run into walls,” 25-year-old bartender Trent Pickle stated. “It would be cool to be a wizard, because of that. You know, because they can go through walls. ”
“I think everybody wants to be a boy-wizard,” golf pro John Herbaum remarked. “Either that or I’m just weird.”
Perhaps Woody Forest put it best by saying, “I used to take it out of my son’s bedroom after he fell asleep. Reading the book made me feel better about myself.”
Below is a list, just released, of the titles for the remaining books in the Harry Potter series. Judge for yourself the implications they may have.
Book Seven- Harry Potter and the College Dare
See how Harry adjusts to his new fraternity.
Book Eight- Harry Potter and the Hidden Stash of Pictures of Hermione Naked
Can anybody stop him from releasing them on DC++?
Book Nine - Harry Potter and Rising Cost of Gasoline
Who does Malfoy think he is, flying around on his gas-guzzling Nimbus 8000?
Book Ten- Harry Potter and the Poor Job Market
Watch the drama unfold as Harry buses tables at the local Denny’s.
Book Eleven- Harry Potter and the Cruel Divorce
Marriage isn’t for all wizards. But nobody thought it would end this badly.
Book Twelve- Harry Potter and the Decreasing Sex Drive
Rafael Palmeiro and Bob Dole made Viagra look so easy…how could it have gone so wrong?
Book Thirteen- Harry Potter and the Nasty Side Effects of Prescription Drugs
You try fighting evil on a flying broomstick with an arthritic knee.
Book Fourteen- Harry Potter and the Surprisingly Low Turn-Out at the Funeral
The turnout of 11 people at his wake wasn’t a fluke. Ron didn’t even show up.
