Q: How can I get my roommate to take a shower? We’ve been here for two weeks now and I think he’s only taken one or two.

AM: This is a tricky situation. You definitely need to break the ice gently with him. If you just come out and say, “Dude, you’re making the room smell like rotten apples covered in puke,” he probably won’t respond too positively. Personal hygiene is a personal choice, but if his habits are inhibiting your ability to live peacefully in your own room, a compromise needs to be made. Perhaps you could drop some hints: i.e. “Do you smell something awful in here?” or “When was the last time you took the trash out? It stinks!” If he doesn’t pick up on it, you’re going to have to be direct with him. Let him know that you respect his decision to be a dirty slob (in easier-to-swallow words) but sharing a room is part of a contract. If his body odor is so wretched that you can’t concentrate on updating your Facebook profile, he’s got to do something about it.

If he still refuses, invest in some scented candles or a can of air freshener.

C: Piss on him when he’s sleeping. The chances that he’ll shower when he wakes up the next morning are strongly in your favor.

Q: Why are Libertarians cool?

AM: A Libertarian, according to the party’s official website, is someone who “believes that you have the right to live your life as you wish, without the government interfering—as long as you don’t violate the rights of others.” I guess that’s pretty cool in itself, huh?

Some of their principles include: “Substantially reduce the size and intrusiveness of government and cut all taxes; let peaceful, honest people offer their goods and services to willing customers without a hassle from government; and let peaceful, honest people decide for themselves what to eat, drink, read, or smoke and how to dress, medicate themselves, or make love, without fear of criminal penalties.”

That’s why Libertarians are cool.

C: Libertarians are cool? Fuck. I thought they were just upper-middle class white Republican males in disguise who were veiling their racism and contempt for the lower class under the guise of not wanting to pay taxes. I guess you learn something new every day.

Q: My friends all drink a lot and I don’t so it makes me feel awkward. The problem is that I don’t have any other friends so I feel like I’m stuck with them even though I’m uncomfortable. What can I do?

AM: Easy enough… Get new friends. Obviously you made some friends to begin with, so I figure you can approach people. However, you seemed to have settled for shitty friends you had your first class with freshman year. Find people that you have something in common with. If you don’t like drinking, don’t go to a bar to find friends. There’s a plethora of common interest groups on campus; just find your niche. Maybe you like Anime… or maybe dancing. Whatever it is, I’m sure you can find at least ten other people on campus that share your interests.

Just make sure you’re not too overbearing when you approach prospective friends. And also, don’t tell them you don’t have any friends; they will feel bad for you and that’s the only reason they’ll hang out with you. You’ll end up hating them anyway.

C: First off, you could take the tampon out and be a man about the situation (that is assuming you’re male—if not, by all means, please leave it in). There’s nothing better than throwing back two or three, or even fourteen brewskies after a long day of classes, and it sounds to me like