“I’m Right. You’re Wrong.” is an advice column especially designed to help University at Buffalo students. So if you have no one else to turn to (and I mean absolutely no one) drop off your question in our personals mailbox or email us at askgeneration@gmail.com. If you’re lucky, your question just might show up in the next issue.

Q: I was at a party this past weekend and this guy I was about to hook up with told me my skin reminded him of a pumpkin. I decided not to hook up with him because I thought he was an asshole, but after I went home, I looked at myself in the mirror and I’m afraid he might be right. I don’t want to stop tanning because I really enjoy it. Any ideas?

AM: Well, good for you for not hooking up with him. But, obtaining a nice, natural-looking tan using a tanning bed or booth is difficult to do. The first step is to buy a quality lotion and apply it generously before tanning (applying one or two hours before is best because your skin can absorb more lotion, hence leaving you with a better tan). Using a lotion with bronzer in it helps to smooth out the uneven tan some beds deliver and to mask the white circles around the eyes, but it can also give the skin an orangey hue. If you’re using bronzer, make sure to apply lightly to the face (if it’s uneven your face will look dirty) and don’t choose something too dark for your natural skin. After tanning, it’s important to moisturize every day, as it dries out your skin rather quickly. Moisturized skin tans better and keeps the color longer. Also keep in mind the colors of the light bulbs in the beds and booths. Ask an employee at the salon about the different types of beds and what kind of results they achieve—it will be easier to choose a bed and lotion right for you.

C: Jesus Christ, Ann. I know you’re from Long Island and all, but let’s at least try to make the magazine look cool. Tanning girl: you look like a fucking carrot, cut it out.

AM: So, I’m from Long Island and I go tanning. What of it?

C: I am not even going to dignify that with a response.

Q: How should I deal with an obsessive psychopath who’s trying to steal my boyfriend?

AM: This depends on just how psychopathic she is. If she’s just a crazy bitch, nicely talk to her and tell her that she needs to back away from your man. You could also ask your boyfriend to say something to her. When she starts flirting with him or if she invites him out, have him explain to her each time that he has a girlfriend and is not interested. Once she understands that she’s not going to get anywhere, she’ll give up. But, if she is really nuts and begins stalking and/or making threats, you may want to consider getting a restraining order for both you and your boyfriend—but only as a last resort.

C: You know who does well in these situations? The Wu-Tang Clan. Just get up in her face and be like, “I’ll fuckin’, I’ll fuckin’ pull your fuckin’ tongue out your fuckin’ mouth and stab the shit with a rusty screwdriver—BLAOWW!” Then bitch slap her. Trust me, it works.

Q: My boyfriend really wants to have anal sex with me, but I’m not sure that I want to do it. I want to know if it’s really safe or not and if it’s going to hurt before I make my decision. Can you help?

AM: As with vaginal intercourse, sexually transmitted diseases can also be passed during anal sex, so you’ll need to use a condom. With a decent amount of water-based lubrication, your anus should be fine. The most common problem found with frequent anal sex is that the sphincter muscle becomes very lax after a while. Some people also experience anal fissures, which are little cuts in the anus. When it comes to anal sex, “more lube is almost enough,” and as long and you really warm up, you should be fine. It may take some work at first and you might experience some pain, but just stay relaxed and remember to go to the bathroom sometime beforehand—you don’t want to leave anything on your boyfriend’s penis.

C: Can I help? Well, I’m not huge on all of that kinky shit, but I guess as long as your boyfriend keeps his hands off the merch I can pitch in.

Q: I’m a freshman rollerblader who lives in Ellicott. I’m pretty intimidated by all the skateboarders doing all their tricks, so I never want to go out and blade. I want to get outside before it gets too cold. What should I do?

AM: If rollerblading is something you like to do, do it! Lots of kids on campus rollerblade to and from class everyday. Don’t worry about what others are going to think. Also, there may be other rollerbladers out there with the same feelings. Once they see someone else out there rollerblading, they’re pretty likely to follow suit.

C: Remember when rollerblading was cool? Yeah, me neither.