November 18th is the last day to get a Schussmeister’s pass for student rate of $140!!! 360 Student Union.

To Mystery Man: I see Josh naked all the time and I know all his measurements. You just need to know how, when and where. HAHAHA. You loser!

To the "Literary Editor": If you wanted to bring attention to starving children in war-zones, then by all means, write about that. But using animal abuse as shock-value (and hiding it behind shallow "Biblical" symbolism) does nothing except cover up your sadly mediocre writing. Congratulations on discovering literary devices! however, that doesn't mean your story isn't a piece of shit.

To the “Anonymous Personals Dick”: If you think you can do better, I extend you an invitation to step the fuck up. Next issue is “Fall Fiction,” so submit a story by Nov. 22. That is, if you can handle putting your name on something you wrote. -Charles Wiff, Literary Editor

Dear Christine and Lindsey, Even though you two are both from Long Island (insert dumb accent), we still LOVE you. Love the 8th Floor Wilkeson!

Batshit crazy sorority miss from cole's-thanks a lot for the bottle you threw at my face since my parents died I haven't had much interest in friends anyway, smoke a blut! I guess…

To all those freeloaders in the wellness center, get the fuck out, it's our spot bitch!!! 308

Wanna be punk princess seeking wanna be punk prince 2 legs and a penis required, no personality necessary-will go to 3rd base within 5 minutes of introduction…any takers

To the hott brunette sorority in psy101, I know you like gold, but doesn't mean you can come over to my house and sleep with my dad!!! Sleep with me!

To that asshole prick in arc101 studio 12, you're a ducking dick no one likes you, do us all a favor and drop out of Bigfoot? Or if you want you can stop being a selfish egotistical asshole who argues everything and loves the sound of his voice just because your 7 feet tall doesn't mean you better than the rest of us.

Last week for Schussmeister’s!! Get your pass in 360 student union!

Dear Ellicott, Goodyear, ect.: the best sex comes from Governerdy girls. Don't be jealous, don't deny it, it's true

To the person who is bothered by 5 “long island” hags…sucks move your seat!!!

To the girl who was riding on my back: I am sorry I tripped and fell, slamming your face on the pavement breaking three of your teeth and sending you to the hospital. Ps my face hurts too.

For all of you who are not; greeks, asian greeks or even asian, don't plan on going to any asian parties any time soon. Trust me, you're gonnna have a shitty-ass time!!!

Dear bi-polar psycho bitch, you need some lithium, maybe you'll calm down. Yo, better yet, slit your wrists. Cut diagonally, not across honey. K thnx bye

Last week's generation really made fun on long island girls/japs/sororities and I just wanted to say….i LOVED it. Fuck em'-DJ

Pretty much the only thing that gets me through the day is thinking that the “everyone has aids” song from team America is true and that most of these fuckers will die soon.