“I’m Right. You’re Wrong.” is an advice column especially designed to help University at Buffalo students. So if you have no one else to turn to (and I mean absolutely no one) drop off your question in our personals mailbox or email us at askgeneration@gmail.com. If you’re lucky, your question just might show up in the next issue.

Q: I have been finding hidden condoms all throughout my room and personal belongings. I think this kid in my biology class put them in there and hid them throughout my room. I really like this kid, and I am embarrassed to approach him about it, but condoms keep showing up everyday. What should I do about this situation?

AM: Just mention the condoms to him during conversation and watch his reaction. Maybe he’ll admit to doing it, but only if he thinks you found it funny. If you talk about how weird it was that these condoms were popping up in strange places, he probably won’t take credit for the prank.

C: Did you ever consider the possibility that the condoms are from all of those dudes that you bring home after long nights of Bon Jovi sing-a-longs at PJs? I dunno, just a thought.

Q: My friends call me a scumbag because sometimes when my girlfriend and I go out, she gets really drunk and passes out and I have sex with her. I really don’t think she would mind. Would you consider me a scumbag?

AM: “Scumbag” doesn’t quite do you justice. If you’re having sex with someone without their consent, it’s called “rape.” You should be castrated.

C: I wouldn’t really classify you as a scumbag—what you’re doing almost isn’t rape. I’d call you more of a shithead.

Q: I’ve been waiting for this girl to get out of this relationship to ask out her out, but it’s pushing six months. What should I do?

AM: Talk to her about it. If she’s been with both her boyfriend and you for the past six months, chances are things won’t really work out. With half a year without any progress it doesn’t seem like this girl is going to break up with her official boyfriend. Even if she does break up with him, what makes you think she won’t do the same thing to you?

C: Six months, huh? Sounds like she’s really into you, chief. I bet you guys are real close. She tells you things like, “you’re so easy to talk to,” and that, “you’re like a brother to me.” Man, if I were in your shoes, I would just go for it. Trust me, she totally digs you.

Q: I was wondering if lubrication would make masturbation a more pleasurable experience.

AM: Yes.

C: Yep.

Q: Last year for Christmas, my boyfriend got me this really awful sweater. I’ve been trying to drop hints about some decent presents for this year but I’m afraid he’s going to buy something really terrible again. Should I talk to him about it?

AM: Maybe you could suggest that you guys do something fun for the holidays instead of buying presents for each other or something along those lines. However, don’t just bring up that you didn’t like his last gift. If I were you, I wouldn’t say anything about the gifts. You should be thankful that you have someone to love during the holiday season and who cares enough about you to buy you a gift in the first place.

C: So you’re getting Cosby sweaters for Christmas, eh? Let me ask you a question: Does your boyfriend ever drop hints to you about “wanting to take a trip down South for the holidays,” or “going downtown this weekend?” Maybe he says things about you guys “making new friends,” or, “watching you have sex with another girl while he videotapes it.” Perhaps the sweater was not so much due to him being clueless to your tastes, but was his passive-aggressive way of saying you’re a prude. So yeah, you should “talk” to him about it. And by “talk” I mean blow him after mentioning the fact that expensive jewelry makes you horny.