MONKEY SEE, MONKEY DO
Album Review - Arctic Monkeys: Whatever You Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not
(5 out of 5 G's)
by Mark Maglio
If you don’t know who Arctic Monkeys are at this point, it’s probably because you aren’t in the UK. Apparently, people over there have been bombarded with buzz about this band for quite a while now. Hell, they’ve been opening for Oasis, which apparently means something important across the pond.
Their first proper release, Whatever You Say I am, That’s what I’m Not has just come out on Domino Records, and it’s frankly the best garage rock album to come out since it was fashionable to put out garage rock albums.
It is gritty as hell, and it swaggers like a bastard. None of the instruments try to stand out, but rather they compliment each other so that the tight, inventive bass lines react alongside the building guitars and drums and all give space to the vocals when needed. This is what the Killers, Franz Ferdinand, and whatever other slew of similar bands wish they had done.
The songs are relatively simple and easy but are complex enough in their construction and how all the elements combine to make songs that you’re going to want to go back and listen to again when the album’s finished playing. The track “Mardy Bum” is a catchy, honestly written song on the age-old theme of love lost, which avoids clichés while being insightful and just plain fun to listen to.
“A Certain Romance,” the closing track, might be the best on the album, with a simple yet inventive bass line and the smirking lyric “there’s only music so that there’s new ring tones” among observations about bar patrons being dickheads and pool cues being busted upside unsuspecting heads.
“From the Ritz to the Rubble” explores the difference between a Saturday night and the following morning, showing how a great aspect of the band is that lines like “Last night, what we talked about made so much sense, but now the haze is ascended it don’t make no sense anymore” come off without the pretention that makes other bands seem clownish. Arctic Monkeys are generally matter-of-fact in their lyrics, and the vocals deliver them in such a way that they sound honest and confident.
It’s a kick-ass album. Go get it before it gets popular and the hipster backlash ruins it over here in the States.
I CAN’T QUIT BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN
Movie Review - Brokeback Mountain
(5 out of 5 G's)
by Peter Scheck
For every kid who has never seen a western save taco commercials and for whom love stories are a dime a dozen, there’s a grown adult whose parents’ house has a toy chest of cowboy action figures and horse heads on sticks.
Things have changed since the 1960’s, Brokeback Mountain shows us, bringing western culture through the years, juxtaposing one generation’s abnormal superheroes over a traditional western scene.
The result is heart-wrenching, not only while our heroes Jack Twist and Ennis Del Mar (still young, un-mustached) saddle up against the setting sun, but through the years of mahogany cupboards, Camaros, and plastic tents. The impact of time in Brokeback is the film’s great catalyst. Director Ang Lee shows us the lives of our two protagonists over a course of two decades, through wives and children, rodeos and farm equipment, in embarrassing detail.
Twist and Del Mar meet at a foreman’s office, looking for work in a wheezing, barren, western town. They are assigned to herd sheep for the summer atop Brokeback, and join each other instead for a few months of passion they can’t admit to themselves. They leave the mountain, move to opposite poles of the country, but can’t forget one another. Lee brings us years forward into the married lives of the two men, both with children, seemingly distracted, if not detached from their atomic families. A postcard to Ennis from Jack promises a visit, sending the couple back deeper than their control allows.
The view that we get of Del Mar (Heath Ledger) and Twist (Jake Gyllenhaal) is one of a forbidden couple, afraid of where they’re headed emotionally far more than for the feelings and risks associated with their far-reaching western community. A sweeping silhouette rings throughout the film’s soundtrack, mirrored by the movie’s encompassing feeling of desolation. As our two heroes age they become more and more estranged from each other and from their audience—their betrayal is clear.
There’s something very upsetting about coming-of-age stories. Not only in the way one normally wins and loses, but in terms of the terrible betrayal an audience feels when their hero makes the wrong decision. The more I watched, I was saddened, as characters who were so honest and brave became cowards in their tired eyes and dated facial hair.
The film’s climax comes within the last 15 minutes, filming the effects of a tragedy. The film closes leaving the viewer with a view from Ennis Del Mar’s broken down trailer home looking past a postcard of Brokeback Mountain and out onto the rolling hills of Wyoming. It was Jack Twist’s favorite place, we remember, as the score builds and falls. There wasn’t a dry eye to be seen.
What Lee does with Brokeback is a daring spin on western tales. Old friends are replaced with lovers, the western hero becomes a mere mortal, and, ironically, ferocious temper and masculinity become shameful. In front of fireworks, in the film’s most preview-friendly moment, Del Mar roundhouse kicks two foul-mouthed bikers in the mouth, sending them and Del Mar’s wife and daughter fleeing. He stands proud for a moment, hand on the brim of his hat, in front of an exploding sky—then our hero stands still and looks toward the ground.
That confusion, sadness, and insecurity becomes the true sentiment of the film, showing a western landscape rich with purity and history against the imperfections and sorrow that is the life of our two cowboys.
ZOMBIES NEVER LOOKED SO GOOD
Video Game Review - Resident Evil 4
(5 out of 5 G's)
by Jason Perkins
Resident Evil 4 is certainly the best game to come out in 2005, the best Gamecube game to ever exist, and possibly the best zombie game of all time (except maybe Zombies Ate My Neighbors). Originally released on January 11 for the ‘Cube, it surprised not only the soccer moms who bought the system because of Nintendo’s staunch resistance to violence, but all the naysayers who disregarded the console for either its library of kiddy games or inability to compete with the graphical juggernauts presented by Sony and Microsoft.
Fans of the series may recognize the main character, Leon Kennedy, from Resident Evil 2, where he successfully contained a zombie outbreak. He retires from police work and eventually lands a job as a government agent when he is abruptly dispatched to a small European village to rescue the president’s kidnapped daughter. The community is thoroughly displeased with Leon’s presence in their village and violently assaults him, despite an obvious proficiency with a 9mm.
The setting alone may not be the most terrifying, but the constant sense of impending danger more than makes up for it. Despite their complete indifference to survival, the villagers are eerily coherent, capable of communication and very capable of organizing attacks. They are not particularly fast, but they compensate with varied weapons, exceptional durability, and extreme persistence.
Don’t get me wrong: the environment is fantastically disturbing. Within the first few minutes of the game, you’ll find a woman stapled to a wall via pitchfork—through her face. The arenas you will find yourself struggling to survive in are not necessarily original, but still offered in a way that is fresh and creative.
Even the characters that present themselves as allies have an unexplainable mystery to them. Some sit back and turn the events into a bizarre business venture, while others will assist you against the overwhelming odds only to run off for a reason they never fully clarify.
So, you’ve killed a few dozen infected Spaniards—time for an expository cut- scene and a breather, a moment to rest your blistered fingers and jangled nerves, right? Not a chance. Resident Evil 4 does an excellent job of both keeping you in the game and maintaining a challenge. Where most cut-scene-heavy games temporarily take you out of commission (cough) Xenosaga (cough), RE4’s relentless cinematic style and context-sensitive mechanics keep you immersed in the action.
With all the attention to graphical detail and character design, you may overlook the superior audio elements. Everything from the crackling fire to the authentic Spanish insults to the weapons in Leon’s arsenal sound authentic. Hell, by the end of this game, you will know what a tentacle erupting from a head sounds like.
The story, score, visuals, and gameplay are all flawless. Every person not infected by a parasitic mind-altering virus should buy, rent, borrow, or steal this game.
AND THE WORST HOOKUP OF 2005 GOES TO.... RON & HERMIONE
Harry Potter Hookup Review -
(1/2 out of 5 G's)
by Joe Speranza
Over the break, my friends and I had one of those nights. You know, when you have a little too much to drink, things get kind of out of hand, one thing leads to another, and you start talking about Harry Potter.
Among other things—Dumbledore’s death, Snape’s “betrayal,” Cho Chang’s rack—we argued about the developing relationship between Ron and Hermione; to the casual reader, the relationship seems logical. There are essentially three main characters in the series, and it isn’t hard to believe that two of them would hook up; that’s just math. But, my friend, as an avid Potter reader who has put a considerable amount of time into this very subject, I can’t say it makes sense.
Consider it. Hermione, a wizard with an aura that exudes confidence, sophistication, and maturity, doesn’t belong with Ron, a wizard who doesn’t really exude anything. Most of the time, he’s the guy who is just there. He’s a sidekick—a damn good one—but he doesn’t really bring much to the table when asked to do anything on his own. Hermione, on one hand, is the independent type, an only child, a self-proclaimed know-it-all. Ron, on the other hand, has five siblings, is dependent on Harry, and doesn’t know shit.
To borrow a line from Bernie Mac in Guess Who, he is broke, unemployed, and white. Those are not usually the ingredients for a desirable mate. He is, however, a great guy, a trait which cannot be tangibly measured. But so is Harry. Moreso, Harry is rich, famous, and good looking, without being egotistical. Harry is clearly the better suitor.
Ron is the type of guy who you can picture visiting the back alleys of Hogsmeade after dark, looking for a nice wizard prostitute. If anything, Ron should be out carousing with a girl who has baggage, not studying Charms until two in the morning with a girl who probably won’t even put out until marriage. He’s not the guy in the pictures with hot girls on Webshots; he’s the guy who looks at them.
And Harry, meanwhile, keeps getting screwed. He is smart, brave, and very, very good with his wand. He’s also got the scar on his forehead, which gives him that rugged-handsome look that chicks go for. But he struggles mightily when it comes to women. He got turned down by Cho, who, despite having the attractive characteristics which I alluded to before, is in no position to turn down a Potter. He should be able to get any girl he wants, at any time, without commitment. He should be jumping on couches in the Gryffindor common room and calling Professor Trelawney glib.
What does all of this mean? I don’t know. Maybe J.K. will pull it off with her next book. Maybe she’ll give hope to guys like Ron, who are intrinsically good people but don’t bring much to the dating table—guys like me, who write about this stuff.
