From: Jqyiqrv@world.std.com

gigacycle a pleat but sportswear may hick be

cowry on krause the precinct see lopez a

die may isfahan the leeway a dunbar or

conundrum see centrifugate may pickoff may ripley on

scribners be spoke it belies see nomograph a

rivulet and chastise some referred may arianism the

howdy try decline in precambrian or handymen it's

celandine in bobbin try lawyer but adjudicate or

ashen ! avertive !

Dear Jqyiqrv,

Okay, seriously, I don’t get the Internet anymore. Are you trying to sell me something?

What the fahan is a gigacycle? Is that like the Galgamex? If so, no sale. I’ve run into those she-beasts too many times to count and I’ve still got the scars.

And “try decline in precambrian or handymen” is a bit forward, don’t you think? Normally you lumber-pimping shucksters use more innuendo and nuance, and positive-sounding words like “enhance,” “enjoy,” and “that special part of the male body.”

Or am I reading this wrong? Is this a literary submission? If so, your rhythm is off. I know experimental poetry is all the rage these days(well, in Clemens at least), and many professors would commend you for your eccentric form: emailing your radical inner truth to thousands of people under a false identity in the slim hope that it reaches the inbox of someone who will publish it. How sprawling of you.

But given the ostensibly random nature of your words, I think people might be able to come to grips with the imaginative genius-aspect of it a bit easier while still maintaining the concupiscent daringness of it all if you added a more regular metre. But maybe that’s the point; you’re the artist.

Anyways, thanks for the submission and keep on dreamin’.

Rock,

Jacob Drum, Associate Editor

Dear God,

It’s me, Jake.

Listen, I was wondering if you could just find it in your heart to go back and reverse whatever decision you made back in the day to reveal yourself in a different form to different cultures and people around the world, thereby erasing any chance we might have had of agreeing on simple things like the role of women or how many arms the river god has. You could just send a memo or issue a retraction or something. ‘Cos seriously, it’s getting rough down here.

Thanks, I’ll call you for the Memorial Day Picnic. And tell Pryor I said what’s up.

Hearts,

Jake

From:

MAILER-DAEMON

@acsu.buffalo.edu

To:

sbi-generation@buffalo.edu

Hi. This is the q-mail send program at acsu.buffalo.edu.

I’m afraid I wasn’t able to deliver your message to the following addresses.

This is a permanent error; I’ve given up. Sorry it didn’t work out.

Sorry, no mailbox here by that name. (#5.1.1)