Your phone vibrates and a few words flash on the screen: “Want to hook up?” But to your surprise, you have no idea who this text message is from.
Maybe they saw your picture on the Internet or looked you up on Facebook and decided they wanted to get to know you. Or, maybe through the punch of a wrong number or letter, they just accidentally crossed paths with you. For some people, an unintentional swap of information could be enough to make a date.
Jenna Suppon, a junior political science major, says that this puzzling incident actually happened to her: “I got a text message one day and I didn’t know who it was, and once I explained that I didn’t know who it was he was like, ‘That’s okay; send me a picture,’ and he preceded to text me for a couple of days until he finally got the idea that I wasn’t going to talk to him.”
Romance in our generation is quickly evaporating, but it may not be because kids simply aren’t interested anymore. Let’s face it; what our parents deemed to be a date doesn’t match up to what many of us would consider one to be today. Surprisingly, the secret culprit in this trend away from romance could be technology. As technology develops, romance seems to diminish. The age-old formula of dinner and a movie has become practically extinct when it comes to dating. Instead, people are turning to much quicker solutions to hooking up—the Internet, text messaging, and Facebook.
Why is it that we no longer interact face to face? It’s true that many of us are busy with school, work, sports, partying, or the many other things that occupy our lives, but are we really so busy that we have resorted to technology as the new way to interact with members of the opposite sex? College students today are without a doubt under greater pressure than they were 20 years ago, but it has gotten to a point where almost every aspect of life is fast-paced and virtually enhanced. Technology has become an inseparable part of our lives, and nearly everything has a virtual twist. Dating is no exception.
Thanks to IMs and text messages, no one has to go through the traumatic ordeal of actually asking someone out anymore. Love and hooking up are now just a click away. Rather than asking someone to hang out, you can just IM or text a simple question and spare yourself the humiliation of possible rejection. Even phone calls are becoming unnecessary. According to Mike Norris, a junior finance major, text messages and IMs are simply more convenient.
“If I first meet a girl, I’ll text her Thursday night to see if she’s going out,” he says. “It avoids the awkwardness of calling.”
But while AIM and text messaging allow us to be lazy and may enhance our love life, there is a downside. While technology has without a doubt simplified dating from the more elaborate process that it was 20 years ago, it has also brought with it a new range of rules to look out for. Just like real dating, there are things you do and things you don’t do.
For example, Mike says that he uses an order of operations when talking to a girl via technology: “IMs are the easiest; calling is the hardest; texting is right in the middle. Personally, I never call girls. It’s soft.”
Mike, like a lot of other people, finds that the effort is minimal and the benefits can be high when he chooses to text or IM a girl instead of talking to her the old-fashioned way. But is that really what people on the receiving end want? When my three roommates and I all coincidentally received the same message on Facebook from an “ER doctor” who wanted to get to know us better, we were less than impressed. Most people don’t want to arrange to meet up on a computer, and those who do have to be careful because they can easily be perceived as creepy.
As in actual dating—that is, the way our parents would have done it back in their college years—people who do use the Internet and their phones as a means to hook up with people know that they need to play the dating game exactly as they would in real life. For example, the well-known rule of waiting a few days before calling after you get someone’s number also applies to the virtual world. Only the rules are slightly adjusted.
“If there’s someone you want to talk to and you see their away message come down, you have to wait a good five minutes before you can come back so it doesn’t look so pathetic,” Jenna explains.
The fact that the Internet and technology were introduced to us as a tool to simplify our lives has become somewhat ironic. Technology has sped up the dating process and given people courage who normally would have none, but to say that all the drama of dating is gone with the application of technology would be deceitful. In many ways, technology has actually contributed to the drama that has already been associated with dating for as long as anyone can remember.
“I think it’s made people more social, but it’s increased drama,” Jenna says. “Everyone knows what everyone is doing all the time.”
It’s true that away messages and profiles make it effortless to find out what the object of your affection is doing, or your ex, for that matter. As long as you’re willing to post it online, nearly anyone is able to find out your plans on any given night, or even what your schedule is like during the day. Best of all (or maybe the scariest part) is that by searching Webshots or Dotphoto you can check out your crush in his or her element.
So, how does all of this enhance the drama? Most of us have gotten caught up in the Facebook scene at one point or another and know how easily people can turn it into a stalking device. Rachel, a senior finance major, says that along with being addictive, Facebook also makes it harder to get over people.
“For instance, I see now that my ex has ‘it’s complicated with Megan’ on Facebook, so I know that he has someone new,” she says. “Without Facebook I’d be more relaxed.”
In short, while technology has unquestionably made dating easier for those who are a little socially challenged or just plain lazy, it also has its downfalls. Most people would prefer to be asked out in person than to be dropped an IM or to be approached in a bar than mass messaged on Facebook. Although it might ease the awkwardness at first, technology eventually gets annoying when put into a situation that is supposed to be personal.
“I was at a football game, and a guy asked one of his friends to ask me for my screen name because he thought I was pretty. I thought it was ridiculous,” Jenna recalls.
But, if you are one of those people who just can’t part with your text messages or Facebook stalking, at least you’re not alone. While most people will make fun of Facebook or criticize text messages, they probably use them too. And at least you know that if you ever get really sick of someone, breaking up will be just a click away.
