To the sexy guy in my che334 class. You know skinny guy with the curley hair. I need my arabian goggles back for my experiment on balloon nots.

Jesus. A bit overkill on the imagery, don’t you think?

A Night w/ Pablo Francisco:  Thanks mafia SA for screwing up our seating arrangements.

Apples from the fruit group: you are so phony and chessy. Stay out of guys face that dont know you with your big head! You smell me? with your big nose! LMAO we Run it!

You make Baby Jesus cry and you hate freedom and you dont support the troops and a small part of you wants the terrorists to win so that Bush is proved wrong.

If wishes and dreams were candy and moonbeams, Bush would still be a fuckin’ cokehead.

To the bum-dumpster freshman who lives in Fargo. Stop having sex in our shower and dont leave your wine-cork in our garbage. Next time I catch you in the bathroom with your brokeback boyfriend I will donkey punch you so hard that the lady inside your infested tomb comes out even more retracted then it already is.

You kiss your brother with that mouth?

To any girl who wears uggs, moon boots, or those fugly hairy boots: you have no sense of style and you look fucking retarded! stop the insanity!

To the dirty, disgusting punk-ass son of whore in mgg!! I will rip you a new one!! i’m straight from the hood and I don’t mess around! I am juiced up on roids and very unstable!!! You will crap yo self.

You must have an insanely large penis.

Dear our sophomore PT majoring pal, go through puberty please. Don’t open your oriface again in any class until your soprano pitch lowers to at least alto, preferably baritone, your shades are cool, especially inside. We all secretly envy you...dick bag. love anyone you’ve ever made eye contact.

With.

To all you assclown canadians, erupoe invented hockey you dumb canucks. Your beloved maple leafs...oops! Shouldn’t that be maple leaves? you dopes! Go back to your shithole country. I got 2 words for all you melvins...suck it!

Dopes? Melvins? Who gave Gomer Pyle a personals slip?

Nice face asshole.

To the hot girls at Northrup. Congratulations for not being Jappy sorority bitches! The asian senesation is my favorite. Heart, your secret admirers.

Sucks to your ass-mar.

Happy 21 Scheq Attaq!

To the editors of Generation: I was just wondering if you ever used the magazine as a blatant attempt to pick up members of the opposite sex. I mean, there’s a lot of copies of the magazine that get distributed all over town, and it seems like if you wanted to get your name, face, interests, or more out there for prospective mates to see it would be relatively easy to use your control of the magazine’s content to rep yourselves, y’know? Did you ever think about that? -Curious

Err...no. Shut up.

You know, Ann, you’re bein’ a real asshole. Smoke a blut, for Christ’s sake.