“I’m Right. You’re Wrong.” is an advice column especially designed to help University at Buffalo students. So if you have no one else to turn to (and I mean absolutely no one) drop off your question in our personals mailbox or email us at askgeneration@gmail.com. If you’re lucky, your question just might show up in the next issue.

Q: How single is your advertising executive, Lisa? And if she is single, what does she look for in a guy, and is she interested in dating anyone? She’s really gorgeous.

AM: Well, it just wouldn’t be fair if I did all the work for you. I’d suggest going about it in a traditional way. Ask her out, get to know her—and don’t do it through the Internet. If things are meant to be, they’ll work out.

C: Let’s refer to last week’s magazine. Her availability is listed as “very single.” Unclear, I know—but here’s what my handy pocket dictionary has to say about it: “single, adj. – not married or romantically attached; unaccompanied by others.” Now, I can’t speak for Lisa, but I usually use “very” for added emphasis. “Do you want to go to a Main Street bar tonight?” “Yes, I’m very horny.” As far as what she looks for in a guy, I’m not entirely sure—but I do know that her turn offs include creepy dudes who proposition her on the Internet and people who ogle—and most likely masturbate to—the pictures of her in our magazine. And yes, she’s hot. Oh wait—were you expressing romantic interest in her? I guess you seem like a pretty cool dude. Good Luck!

Q: There’s this girl in a couple of my classes. In the first week, she sat next to me and kept talking the whole time. Then, after class, she would follow me to whichever building I was walking to, talking the whole time. Since then, she’s been like my shadow whenever I’m on campus. She’s so annoying and I’m really not looking to be friends with her. I’m afraid she’s going to ask to hang out soon. What should I do?

AM: When you’re in class, kindly ask her to be quiet while the professor is giving her lecture. After class, excuse yourself to the bathroom or head in another direction claiming an urgent appointment that you’re going to be late for if you don’t run. Being completely honest in this situation will end up hurting this girl’s feelings. If she asks to hang out, instead of blowing her off, you could suggest a cup of coffee at one of the cafés on campus. It’s a safe location and by staying on campus you can make up a number of reasons to leave.

C: Fight fire with fire, man. Start following her around. Like, when she goes to take a shit, go into the bathroom with her and stand next to the stall, talking to her the whole time. Trust me, that’s very uncomfortable.

Q: Before Valentine’s Day last week, I asked this girl that I was kinda seeing/hooking up with where we stood, ya know, to see if I had to buy her something. I mean, I didn’t think it was serious, but she thought I was confessing my love for her or some bullshit. Now, she thinks she’s my girlfriend, she calls me like every hour, and she gets all pissed when I don’t want to see her. How can I get rid of her?

AM: You need to talk to her. It sounds like she’s trying to do a lot of talking, but you won’t allow it. You won’t fix anything by ignoring her. Explain to her that things are moving in a direction you’re not ready for—or a direction you’re not willing to go in with her. Either way, you are going to have to dump her and it won’t be pretty. She might cry, she might threaten suicide, but you’ll have to deal with that. Just remember: the sooner, the better. And be nice about it, please.

C: Ouch. You, my friend, have committed the cardinal sin of manhood. Never ask a chick “where you stand.” Ever. For future reference, the situation should be handled like so: Roll over in bed and firmly tell her (this always works better if you wake her out of that half-awake/half-asleep stage, by the way) that she needs to leave before anyone gets ideas about you two being together. Then, as she’s walking out the door, yell, “And don’t leave your fucking panties here again.” Bonus points if you live in the dorms and people in the hallway can hear you.

Q: I want to go somewhere for spring break, but I’m pretty strapped for cash right now. What can I do to make some money quickly?

AM: Since there are only three more weeks until Spring Break, there isn’t a good chance that you’ll make enough money to go to Florida or Mexico. If you can find a part-time job now (which may be difficult), you could probably make enough money to go somewhere closer like Toronto or New York and stay and a hostel. But, don’t get your hopes up. You should have started planning sooner if you wanted to go. You might be better off saving your money and going somewhere better next year.

C: You know, I thought about this question long and hard, and then I realized that I can’t afford a spring break trip either. Because I spend all of my money on rock. Maybe you could sell rock. Speaking of which, do you have any?