To that long island bitch that ripped on hicks last week. Sure you might be hot and I would fuck you, but you are just dumb ass bitches.

Hicks, hipsters—I guess they’re basically the same thing.

To the dumb bitch who is dating my friend. Do us a favor and walk off the face of the earth; you are both hideous and stupid. Everytime I see you, i want to gouge my eyes out with a spoon. You are the kind of person you take out back and shoot so you can’t procreate-quiki

I like how a car is parked inside another car on the cover.

Photoshop is a wonderful thing.

What’s up with all the skanks wearing those ugly assed Lisa Loeb glasses? Are lesbians making a comeback

To those 2 fucks in CET who told the teacher that the HW was not hard enough, you deserve to be slapped in the face with a shovel. Dicks I hate you as well as everyone who you ever met.

To the girl who wrote the yellowcard CD review, your taste in music sucks. You know nothing about music obvkously and thanks to the amazing tool known as Facebook, I see your just another loud mouth long island girl. So here’s a hint to you and your friends...don’t speak unless spoken

To the worthless human being and proud of it who stole my ipod at alumni arena, your mother was voted best blow job by our fraternity, she was also a thief. What other skills does she teach you? P.G.

To the LI girls: stop hogging all the tables in the union. Maybe if you walked back to ellicott for lunch you would lose some weight fucking sluts.

Daniele: Dave Attell is a comedic genius. Keep your slander to yourself and be flattered that someone that amazing showed interest in you. You were probably teasing him, ya twat.

To all you orange fake tan whores from LI. Its not your expensive bags or nice cars we hate on. Its the fact that the few good looking bitches are vicious, stuck-up cunts and the rest of you are overwieght pill poppers.

To “Christ” Ahearn: I’d make fun of you but you probably masturbate to your hatemail at night. Can I just punch you in the face instead?

Nah, this is enough to get me off.

Loved the letter to Ahearn from Myla, She’s right-moving to Williamsburg is SO douchebag hipster, and we all know you wear the scarf to hide your gargantuan double chin.

You know, my jokes aren’t funny when you explain them.

Christopher Ahearn, While some may criticize your fellow editors for disrobing in a recent issue, I’d actually like to thank you for not joining them. Because you chose to keep your clothes on and your ugly face out of that issue, I didn’t have to claw my corneas our of suffer through a week of nightmares. Thanks again for not showin’ off the dingleberries, you hairy motherfucker. - A Disturbed Reader

I prefer “rugged.”

To my unrelenting roomate- When I sit at my computer and nod my head when you speak, Im not listening to you. So shut the hell up. And stop downloading porn on my computer you fuck.