Dear Editor,

In a recent television interview, James Bond actor Daniel Craig was asked what he thought of the many life-long James Bond fans that were less than satisfied when he was chosen to play the role of 007. His two-word reply was simply this: “Screw them.”

I wish to make it known to you and your readers that I found Mr. Craig’s remarks particularly tasteless and offensive, and they are a clear sign of the man’s poor judgment as an actor in the public eye. Does he not realize that loyal James Bond fans have every right to be dissatisfied with the choices producers make, particularly where it applies to the actor they choose for a role like 007? What is most contemptible about his brusque remarks is that he wrongfully directed them towards so many fans who are mothers, wives, grandparents, and children.

In conclusion, I would like to say that any feelings I had about Mr. Craig or about boycotting his first turn as James Bond are now doubly strong, and I am that much more committed to the grassroots efforts to see that Casino Royale is a box office failure. I urge anyone reading this letter who values common decency to join me in this boycott.

Faithfully Yours,

Susan Ling Po

Dear Susan,

Thank you for exposing the hypocrisy in the Hollywood system. It’s about time we started insisting—nay, demanding—that our lead actors and actresses represent their constituents instead of the fatcats in the Valley and their pork-barrel studio contract interests. You’re right to stand up for the “mothers, wives, grandparents, and children” who make up the not-silent-enough majority of 007 fans, truly the backbone on whose shoulders our great nation was built.

As for the grassroots war you’re waging, sign me up. SMASH THE STATE! Er, I mean, Casino Royale. Separate we are weak, fanatic eccentrics with a Connery fetish. Together we can triumph for common decency and protect our children—and our children’s children—from the scourge of a Jewish guy playing James Bond.

Screw you,

Jacob Drum

Associate Editor

Dear Mr. Ahearn,

You fuckin’ traitor. Where is the freedom of expression??? I’m only assuming you shaved your mantastic chin-coat because that Long Island bitch gave you shit for it. Grizzly Adams will forever haunt your dreams (at least until you grow it back).

As a member of the Hairy Mothafuckers of America (HOA for short), I deal with any and all troubles of having excessive and/or erratic facial hair from the peer pressure of friends to the sometimes lack of nookie. I’ve seen it all and have persevered all these years. Hell man, I even quit my food service job because the new manager mandated that all dudes with facial hair shave it down to right below the ears. If I can’t have a furry face, I don’t wanna live anymore.

So, if I am completely wrong and making myself seem like a complete asshole, why did you shave that thing?

Sincerely,

Pete Pijanowski,

UB Student

Dear Peter,

First off, how dare you question my facial hair grooming motives! How dare you sir!

Secondly, I assure you that my shaving schedule has nothing to do with the input of others and everything to do with my own whims. To know me is to know that my beard—or lack thereof—is an extension of my personality. I’m like a wild horse. You can’t tame me or keep me locked up in a pen. I need my freedom. But if you put some oats out for me, I’ll wander in every once in a while for a nibble—or a shave as it were.

Oh, and on a side note, my face is quite hirsute—not to mention ruggedly handsome—at the moment.

Cheers,

Christopher Ahearn

Editor in Chief