To the chick who can "afford to speak her mind", First off honey, as a Western NYer I could give two shits about you, but I like to bring people down and this looked like a great opportunity. If you are as rich as you say you are, then how come Mommy and Daddy couldn't send you to one of your rich bitch schools downstate? Why come out here if you hate the culture so much? Or did you feel your "genuine" Gucci bag would impress here while it would be spotted like a pedophile at a daycare center down there? From the girl who finds the money to speak her mind in the couch cushions

I think a LOLcano just erupted.

To the girl in dewey who moans like a harpooned whale, will you be my friend?

To my lorelai: i just wanted to let you know that I am all in. love, your luke

Awww... Gilmore Girls. How cute.

To the skater: I know its hard to accept it, but you didn’t drop, you got dropped!! Dear Gaudily wrapped christmas present, Ur hawt Letz d8! xo-faux coke-head slut

To the red-hairedd baseball player in english, I’ll play ball with you anytime.

To “big burger” you’re a great guy! thanks for asking questions. I like your hair and clothes. last time we checked, you’re pretty cool.

Rich girlz make me glad I’m home

Dear sorority, how bad do your feet when you have to catch a bus going back to south campus every day? We should get together and sing children’s songs. How can I pledge next year? Sounds cool.

Hey, ***, I like your ugg boots and your sweats. Call me.

To all the women in governors hall. Do you have social skills? You can just talk to guys; it’s okay. Lets get real here: There’s nothing to worry about. I better be seeing you out on the lawn when the weather gets better too! Smokeablut!!1 haha DJ and PR

Word.

Camping is in tents!!1

To the blasthole in my CL class who wears glasses and a leather jacket and asks all of the clucking questions- stop! You look like Larouche becuase you have no idea what the what you're talking about. You don't look smart, you deserve to get hit by a car. You're the only one who asks questions and everyone else wants to be you. <3, the entire CL class

First, to the LI girl who can afford to speak her mind. You said it right, you’re not teases although I think you confused the words “can’t have” with “don’t want,” unless heavily intoxicated and looking for an easy lay. On a high note, you were doing well up until you came out with the “bad-spelling selves” jumble-fuck of nonsense. Your insults are that of a drowning baboon. For those of you who couldn’t grasp… that means screeching incoherent babbling, kind of like Peter’s co-worker, Opie, from Family Guy. Secondly, to the other Long Island Girl. Never…ever say sophisticated and try to relate it to your kind ever again. In fact, try and say “I am sophisticated” without having your brain explode.

You kids should seriously get something better to do. You should also buy a dictionary and wash your face and stop being so damn ignorant. If you just opened to the personals page as soon as you picked this up, put it back down. You don’t deserve it. Go watch TV and enjoy your heart disease.

To the cock sucking car that hit me last weekend. You fucked up my knees and I lost a whole garbage plate. You are so lucky you drove off before I either got your information or tipped you out of your car and beat the fuck out of you.

To the architectuve student in Arch EC who wear the big navy peacoat and has the tan bag. Stop being so damn gay.

Students Against Sweatshops is a posse of posers, and “Justice for Janitors” mere manipulation of minorities to carry a cargo-cult practice of pointless protests. The radical rhetoric, tired tactics, and inarticulate intent inherent in their instigations neither provoke the professors, Provost, and President, pique the proletariat, nor stir students and is simply a sermon to the singers. Their incompetent, irrational idiocy libels liberals and reinforces right-wingism in Republicans. Bohemian blockheads, disgusted with the derision of this Democrat towards your disposition, decide:Desist your douchebaggery, or dress like a duck a diminutive distance from Dick Cheney.

Eds. Note: Due to a number of outstanding lawsuits regarding racial epithets, slander, obscene language, and death threats in the Personals, Generation has been forced to discontinue publication of this section indefinitely until a settlement can be reached. We had tried to soften some of the language in your messages in order to avoid further legal trouble, but it wasn’t good enough. We apologize to our readers and thank them for keeping us laughing every week with their daily grumblings. Cheers kids, and keep reading.