Eds. Note: On Monday, April 11, Seymour Hersh broke a story in The New Yorker that claimed the Bush Administration is considering a nuclear strike on Iran to incapacitate its nuclear weaponry program. The following is the transcription of an AOL Instant Messenger conversation that took place between President George W. Bush—tex0rs—and Vice President Dick Cheney—BigGameHunter62—this past week.
tex0rs [10:13:42]: howdy
BigGameHunter62 [10:13:59]: wut up
tex0rs [10:13:42]: nmu
BigGameHunter62 [10:14:22]: chillin. just got done cleaning my 28 gauge.
BigGameHunter62 [10:14:29]: wut r u up 2 tonite?
tex0rs [10:14:42]: i dunno. probably chillin with laura. maybe thinking up reasons to go 2 war w/ iran. wut about u?
BigGameHunter62 [10:15:01]: same. except me and laura are gonna do more than chill.
BigGameHunter62 [10:15:03]: jk
tex0rs [10:15:07]: lol
BigGameHunter62 [10:15:16]: but seriously, we need to n00k iran.
tex0rs [10:15:28]: wurd. that would be teh awesome.
BigGameHunter62 [10:15:56]: we gotta get rummy working on that.
tex0rs [10:16:20]: wurd. but how are we going to sell teh ppl on this war? they’re still pissed about iraq.
BigGameHunter62 [10:16:42]: teh ppl? who cares?
tex0rs [10:16:49]: hahahaha
BigGameHunter62 [10:17:12]: we can’t have a bunch of crazy religious nutjobs running around with nuclear bombs.
tex0rs [10:17:15]: true
BigGameHunter62 [10:17:25]: i mean, they’re ideologues. they’ll do anything.
tex0rs [10:17:36]: wurd. god would want us 2 stop them.
BigGameHunter62 [10:18:07]: mos def. imagine wut would happen if a bunch of crazies who didn’t care what other nations think of them were running around threatening to set off n00ks in teh middle east.
tex0rs [10:18:31]: yeah, we need to stop them. if they got n00ks it would be teh ghey.
BigGameHunter62 [10:18:58]: yo, that offends me. i <3 gay ppl. my daughter is a lesbian.
BigGameHunter62 [10:19:04]: jk. fags.
tex0rs [10:19:10]: LOLZ
tex0rs [10:19:21]: brb. gotta go 2 the bathroom
BigGameHunter62 [10:19:28]: 1 or 2?
tex0rs [10:19:35]: 2, so i guess it will be more like a bbl.
BigGameHunter62 [10:19:39]: hahahaha
Auto response from tex0rs [10:19:40]: Don’t Mess With Texas
tex0rs [10:52:03]: i’m back.
BigGameHunter62 [10:52:11]: took u long enough. ;-)
tex0rs [10:52:43]: did u see that sy hersh artice in teh new yorker? i was just reading it on the can.
BigGameHunter62 [10:52:51]: yeah. he pwn3d us.
tex0rs [10:53:04]: this is teh sux0rs. wut should we do?
BigGameHunter62 [10:53:43]: well, u better bet yr bottom dollar that i’m gonna find out who leaked that stuff and ruin their public lives.
tex0rs [10:53:59]: wurd. good call... but do u think americans are gonna try to stop us?
BigGameHunter62 [10:54:12]: the ppl of teh united states of apathy? nah, they won’t do anything.
tex0rs [10:54:14]: ROFL!!1!
tex0rs [10:54:19]: wut about teh UN?
tex0rs [10:54:25]: jk
BigGameHunter62 [10:54:37]: lol... yeah, we’re just going 2 do wutever we want.
tex0rs [10:54:56]: wurd. i g2g, laura’s yelling at me 2 give her a foot massge.
BigGameHunter62 [10:55:01]: ok, peace.
tex0rs [10:55:04]: ttyl.
