DELICATE DIGITAL DECADENCE
Chocolate (LG KG800)
7/10
by Jack Niejadlik
Sexy. Elegant. Mysterious. Deceptive. No, we’re not talking about that girl you took home from The Steer last week; these are all words that describe the new “Chocolate” phone from Korean cell phone manufacturers, LG. The Chocolate, or LG KG800, hit shelves in early August and has been giving many Verizon users a sweet tooth ever since. But does the sinfully sleek cellular stack up and satisfy, or is all the hype bittersweet?
The Chocolate is being marketed as half phone/half mp3 player/all savory goodness. It lets you transfer music to and from your PC by way of a cable or memory card. Thankfully, the music interface and sound output are, for lack of a better word, truly sweet. Menus are easy and quick to navigate, leaving you more time to obnoxiously rock out with your legally downloaded tunes blaring.
LG’s Chocolate is packed with enough candy-coated extras and features to send any gadget-lover’s blood sugar levels immediately into shock. The 1.3 megapixel camera with LED flash is perfect for capturing precious moments. The phone can also record, send, and receive video messages. The phone’s internal memory caps out at 128 MB, with a Micro-SD memory card slot for additional capacity. Bluetooth connectivity, tri-band GSM, and GPRS support help to round out the flavor.
However, most chocolate isn’t without empty calories, and this Chocolate is no exception. At first glance, the Chocolate’s iPod-esque touchpad is intriguing. You’re immediately tricked into believing that it’ll be functional, not realizing how easily a simple thumb-swipe across the screen can (and, more often than not, will) trigger a riot of unintentional calls, prematurely sent text messages, and other embarrassing blunders. This is especially annoying when trying to take a picture. You can adjust the sensitivity of the touchpad to help with your fumbling fingers, but regardless, the touchpad itself becomes more of a nuisance than anything else, requiring meticulous tapping that will leave you craving the less-delicious but more practical depressible buttons of cell phones past. Oh, yeah, and for those of you who love having everyone hear your conversations, the manufacturers thoughtfully left out a speakerphone option.
With the interface as the only real gripe, the Chocolate phone overall is a genuinely unique model, pleasing the visual palate at a time when there are many competitive designer phones on the market. Current Verizon users with existing contracts can expect to shell out close to $400 for the full retail price. New Verizon contracts offer the phone to customers for a more easily digestible price ($50-$150).
‘CITIZEN’ FOR THE GREATER GOOD
Citizen Cope - Every Waking Moment
9/10
by Brad Deck
Before popping Citizen Cope’s newest album, Every Waking Moment, into my computer for its inaugural listen, the only exposure I had to his genre-bending sound was a word-of-mouth recommendation from a friend whose ear for music is typically tasteless. I thought to ask around, but most of my friends had no idea what I was talking about. One actually misheard me as saying “Citizen Coke,” which he thought was a play on “Citizen Kane.” How clever that would have been if I were writing about such a narcotics-pun savvy musician.
Citizen Cope, the musical alias of Clarence Greenwood, is a true musical renaissance man. He expertly blends infectious hip-hop beats with soulful blues and rock and roll-style hooks to create a truly unique and enjoyable sound.
Every Waking Moment is Cope’s third studio album, following his self-titled 2002 debut and the 2004 follow-up, The Clarence Greenwood Recordings. His music has also been featured on a number of film and television soundtracks, and the song “Sun’s Gonna Rise” was recorded for Carlos Santana’s multi-platinum Shaman. Despite this mainstream exposure as well as the indie-centric, MTVU collegiate society we’re immersed in, Citizen Cope still remains unknown by many. It’s really a shame. Three songs into this album, I was a believer.
At risk of seeming to lump this disc in a category with Forever More: The Greatest Hits of John Tesh, I am going to label this as genuine easy listening. It wouldn’t be difficult to sit down, get lost in the music, and not even realize you’ve listened to this inspired album completely. It’s obvious that when Clarence Greenwood writes these songs that he isn’t writing lyrics, he is writing poetry. His voice (he also plays guitar and drum machine) is soft and bluesy, and the simplistic melodies behind him come together to create some real soul-stirring music. Each song is a story of introspection. While listening to his music, you also get a sense that he is inspired by his surroundings and is keeping a musical diary of sorts. The song “Brother Lee” is a bluegrass story about a journey from “Brooklyn, USA to Tinseltown where now the Dodgers play,” and “107 Degrees” is a bluesy number about a wanted man. His individual approach to the common love song is evident in “All Dressed Up,” where the music paints a portrait of a woman.
If you are reaching into the grab-bag musical extravaganza that is Every Waking Moment and not finding something you are looking for, then you clearly belong in the “Empty Shit Music” section of the record store. If you are listening to this album and not feeling a twinge of something, then you are oblivious to the fact that this man has a gift. If you don’t love this album, then you are simply wrong.
KNOWING YOUR ANATOMY
Grey’s Anatomy
10/10
by Brenda Diaz
If you’ve never watched Grey’s Anatomy, you do not know what you’re missing. It isn’t like any other hospital drama, such as ER, Scrubs, or House. It revolves around the lives of the interns known as Meredith, Cristina, George, Izzie, and Alex, along with their superiors and teachers: Dr. Burke, Dr. Shepard (a.k.a. McDreamy), Dr. Montgomery-Shepard, Chief Webber, and the notorious Dr. Bailey.
There are a lot of plot twists in the second season. You get into all of the interns’ personal and professional lives. It really keeps you on the edge of your seat. If you’re not a pre-med student, it doesn’t matter. You’ll actually begin to understand the jargon after a couple of episodes. The show might even make you want to become a doctor, or at least inspire you to play doctor. Grey’s Anatomy is exciting and unpredictable—you never know what’s going to happen next. That’s what keeps you tuned. That’s what gets you addicted. It’s maddening.
The second season DVD set is well worth purchasing. Even if you’re an avid Grey’s Anatomy fan and have watched all the episodes, you should still buy the DVDs. Not only will you have the whole second season at your disposal, you’ll get all the goodies that come with it. The DVD set is uncut, which means that you get longer episodes, and clips that didn’t make it to TV. There are four extended episodes, which includes an extended version of the steamy and heartbreaking season finale. Not only that, you get to see interviews with cast members that explore the questions that might’ve been plaguing you.
A bonus is a one-on-one interview with the actor that plays Dr. Bailey and a backstage tour of the set with Dr. Webber. Finally, you also get to see the special effects behind the Grey’s Anatomy set and deleted scenes as an added bonus.
If you’re still not entirely convinced, this will surely make you shell out that cash. Best Buy is selling the DVD for a mere $35, instead of $50. For all the cheap people, I’m looking out for you.
So, what are you waiting for? Go pick up your copy of Grey’s Anatomy: The Complete Second Season. Add the first season to your cart if you’ve never watched it before. Take a break from studying. And make sure your schedule is clear because you won’t be leaving your room for a long time once you start watching. It’s that addictive.
They’re going to have to start making patches to get us unhooked from this show.
ROBOCOP COULDN’T STOP ME
MC Chris
7/10
by Guy M. Scrivo
MC Chris, the man behind the voice of MC Pee Pants (the recurring rapper on Aqua Teen Hunger Force) performed at the Icon Saturday, September 9. He’s done lots of other funny stuff but, sadly, his claim to fame is being MC Pee Pants and his following cartoon incarnations.
When I got to the Icon, I started drinking beers to curb the inevitable boredom of the opening acts. The first thing I noticed about the Icon was how clean its bathrooms were compared to most of the places I go to see shows. They had working sinks, soap in the dispensers, and even paper towels. I was rendered speechless by the semi-sanitary conditions.
The show opened with DJ DStar, the poster child for MySpace. He looked like he was part Asian, all of his clothes were a size too small, and his hair looked like he stole it from Beck. All the music he played was at a dancing tempo, but not a soul was dancing.
The next band to come on was called Settings. These guys all had Beck hair too, except for one guy with a mohawk that occasionally played a keyboard. The singer was incredible; he groped the microphone stand like he was the most incredible singer in the universe and his own singing brought him to a state of ecstasy. Most singers need thousands of dollars worth of drugs to reach that level, but he was high on himself. It made me want to be a singer.
Soon after Settings took down their gear, some guy that looked like big Pete from Pete and Pete set up a Mac laptop and started playing a loud hip-hop beat that sampled “The Hey Song” by Gary Glitter. MC Chris, possibly on drugs, began to rant, “Nerds have become the jocks on the Internet. You need to spell your words out, your time isn’t that important. STFU n00b.” The audience ate it up. Next, he performed a song about abusing Robitussin. At the end, he started talking shit at the audience, saying, “Everybody, give this guy the finger,” singling out some man for having an orange shirt. Then, he sang a song in which the chorus went, “Weed is by my side and it’s always been there.” For a few songs, the computer screwed up and they’d have to start playing it again. I think that’s because it was a Mac, and God hates Macs.
He really knew how to work the audience though. They were truly loyal fans, and he had them eating out of his hands. When he told them to do something, they would do it without thought or hesitation. Go see MC Chris, but only if you know a few of his songs and intend to down some beers. He’s definitely worth $12 at the door. Special thanks go out to Red Stripe.
DANCE PARTY
Head Automatica Popaganda Tour
8/10
by Tara Sullivan
Everyone has their guilty pleasures. Maybe you play air guitar to Tesla on the low or create choreographed dance routines to boy band hits. My secret indulgence is the often repetitious and slightly irritating, yet always danceable electronica riffs of Head Automatica. So, it was with a restrained sense of exuberance that I ordered my tickets to their show.
The show opened with a set by Men, Women, and Children that can only be described as fucking absurd. It seems like they decided to stage an old Duran Duran music video. Suffice to say, it involved pink flashing lights, a guy playing guitar while lying on the stage, and a large plastic femur bone—not to mention the recurrent chant of “we’re monkey monkey men, and we’ll eat all your friends.” There’s a reason shit like that died off decades ago.
The second opener, Rock Kills Kid, played a swift, laid-back set. It was like having a fabulous microbrew after guzzling a steady stream of Smirnoff Ice—a refreshing change to something that at first may seem pleasant, but soon leaves you choking back vomit.
Finally came the act I’d been waiting for the whole night: Head Automatica. While the band was just as charismatic as ever, anyone expecting a performance from front man Daryl Palumbo akin to his Glassjaw days may have been a little disappointed. On his website, Palumbo says, “Some people aren’t buying my records these days because they want to hear me be upset. I think the people who grew up with Glassjaw should embrace the fact that they don’t have to listen to me whine as much!” In a time where prepubescent America is eating up the shit about slitting your wrists and crying over study hall breakups, Head Automatica may be exactly what we need.
The band kicked right into their new album, Popaganda, with “Lying Through Your Teeth,” immediately launching the crowd into a sexy, rock and roll dance party. Power pop is what Head Automatica strives for. From the ‘70s rock-influenced “Laughing at You” to the warped techno of “Beating Hearts Baby,” their show had a dazzling array of pop-driven rhythms. All in all, Palumbo and his bandmates gave a solid performance. Despite the band’s indulgence in the mutant dance rock craze, Head Automatica still has a unique sound that can get a party going without resorting to the Top 40.
YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS
Flavor of Love 2
10/10
by Erin McCarthy
I love Flavor Flav, a former member of Public Enemy and, currently, the most eligible bachelor in reality television. Just ask my roommate. Last weekend, I wrenched her Hello Kitty clock off her wall and started wearing it around my neck. She wasn’t too impressed when I explained that I was only emulating my little prune-faced honey.
You see, I’m psyching myself up for my Flavor of Love 3 audition. Yes, I do realize that this season isn’t over yet, but Flav’s track record with women on any of his reality TV shows isn’t very good. He split with his Surreal Life and Strange Love costar, Brigitte Nielsen, out of mutual jealousy. Season one’s winner, Hoopz, was only in it for the fame, and in case you haven’t been tuning in every Sunday, this season’s ladies are simply ho-rriffic. With that said, I’ve compiled a flava-ful top five list that is going to guarantee that I don’t wind up not knowing what time it is.
1. KEEP IT REAL WITH FLAV! I cannot stress this point enough. For example, if you’re a contestant with a history of being a porn star (e.g. this season’s Toastee), don’t lie when Flav asks you about it. Flav doesn’t care if you knocked boots on a DVD that all the frat boys in the universe can watch. He just wants you to tell him the truth. Am I going to tell him that I wound up on Girls Gone Wild III after I drank too many black Sparks on Spring Break? Yes. Yes, I am. That’s honesty. That’s keepin’ it real with Flav.
2. If you do have a horrible secret (e. g. you were a porn star) and you simply can’t be up front with Flav about it, don’t confide in any of your fellow Flavorettes. When the going gets tough, the tough get bitchy, and if you piss off one of your fellow housemates, she’s bound to track down Flav and let him know that you’re not keepin’ it real.
3. Know the facts about your man. Flav is 47, has six kids and two grandchildren, never paid child support, has credited himself with starting the dental grill craze, and likes to smoke the occasional blut. Remember the little things. That’s keepin’ it real and you don’t want to look like an ass when his famous friends, like Three 6 Mafia and the Ying-Yang Twins, quiz you.
4. Make sure your booty is big enough to have a picnic on, because Flav loves to cop a feel. I’m not booty-licious, which is why I’m having my brain removed and used for butt implants. I think Flav would agree with me in saying that it has better use down there than in my head, which brings me to five.
5. Make sure that your IQ is below 90. The activities that Flav has planned out, such as booty-shaking and cleaning the trashed houses of his rap star friends, don’t require you to even have a brain. If you can’t use it for butt implants, just leave it at home.
I’ve scrapped my plans for grad school. I’d rather sacrifice my mind for a bigger booty and the chance for the good life with Flav. So, until I meet my Viking helmet-adorned hype man, I’ll just keep my eyes glued to VH1, knowing that someday soon he’ll be slipping a clock over my head.
JUST THINK ‘MY FATHER’S EYES’
John Mayer - Continuum
3/10
by Victoria Burhans
Continuum, released September 12, continues the trend of disappointing music from John Mayer. In his first solo album since attempting to bring jam bands to the masses, Mayer comes off as exactly what he has always been: bland and boring.
The first single, “Waiting for the World to Change,” starts the album with a mellow feel. Full of guitar twangs and slow bongo beats, Mayer spits out quasi-diluted political statements. His defeatist attitude is illustrated in the line, “It’s not that we don’t care, we just know that the fight ain’t fair.”
For the next seven songs, he indulges his faithful tween fans with his patented light and mellow sound. You can almost hear the pre-pubescent girls squealing with delight cause he’s playing “their favorite song ever, like, oh my God” as each one starts. His intentions are to captivate his audience with jazz and blues, yet he utterly fails to do justice to these genres. The song “Gravity,” released originally on the John Mayer Trio’s 2005 album, sets off a string of songs that begin with Clapton-esque guitar intros. The next three tracks, “Heart Of Life,” “Vulture,” and “Stop This Train,” slowly put you to sleep one after another. Not only do they sound like lullabies, they blend together into one tedious piece of over-produced shit.
Wrapping up the album, he turns up the intensity with Hendrix’s“Bold as Love.” It woke me from my Mayer-induced coma. This up-tempo song is the first one on the CD with Mayer on the electric guitar. While this track is a welcomed change from the monotonous breathy vocals and slow guitar strumming, it still reminds me of the jam band in front of the Student Union. Following this change in rhythm is the standard John Mayer break-up song, “Dreaming with a Broken Heart,” which is followed by “In Repair,” the standard getting-over-a-break-up song. Harmless and light, these songs leave no lasting impression. The album ends where it should have began, with the song “I’m Gonna Find Another You.” This is the only legitimate blues track, and is surely the one real standout on the album. Though it might not be about Jessica Simpson, he definitely sticks it to all his past relationships with this biting break-up song. With lyrics such as, “I hope she looks like you, and she’s nicer too,” and “I’m gonna do things you wouldn’t let me do,” Mayer not only finds his voice, he finds his balls.
Whether it’s his attempt at sounding politically enlightened or his inability to detach himself from the mom-friendly “easy-listening-elevator-music” genre, the entire album sounds like something my high school boyfriend would have played for me in his basement while smoking a joint. It’s really deep, dude.
A HINT OF FUNK
Audioslave - Revelations
9/10
by Joe Speranza
After listening to Revelations, Audioslave’s third album, one thing has become abundantly clear: Tom Morello’s guitar skills are out of this world. While Chris Cornell’s vocals are adequate, as are the drums and bass, Morello creates unparalleled sounds on his six-string.
At this point, Audioslave could be considered one of the best bands around the country. Their debut album is by far their best. The second one is good, and the most recent album, Revelations, is fantastic. Furthermore, their loud and crisp live sound surpasses many others’ efforts.
Audioslave made a minor splash this summer with two tracks off their new album chosen for the Miami Vice soundtrack. Michael Mann, director of Vice, hand-picked “Shape of Things to Come” and “Wide Awake” for the movie. Mann seems to have taken a liking to the band, considering several songs from their older albums were also featured in his previous movie, Collateral.
During the first title track, Morello lets exactly 17 seconds go by before making his guitar positively scream. The relentlessness of Morello’s guitar and ferocity in Cornell’s voice are prominent throughout the album.
The store-bought version of Revelations comes with a 15-minute video clip of an interview with the members of Audioslave. Drummer Brad Wilk explains how the band was influenced by George Clinton and P-Funk. Their song, “Broken City,” is a prime example of what Wilk was explaining. The song showcases the band’s tremendous range; while it is still a rock song, there is definitely a hint of funk.
Throughout Revelations, Audioslave truly excels at tempo change in every song. A nice example of this is the closer, “Moth.” Though I’m not the biggest fan of the lyrics—“I don’t fly around your fire anymore / Been burned and fallen down so many times before”—Cornell and Morello are uniquely capable of producing an unwavering standard of music, all the while switching up the tempos. Many musical acts attempt it, but few succeed.
One can hardly expect Audioslave to replicate the success of their debut album. The 2003 self-titled release pretty much defined that summer for me. The quality of musical talent on Revelations doesn’t exactly measure up to the first one. “Shape of Things to Come” comes close to producing the same effect as “Cochise” and “Shadow of the Sun.” Revelations was well done but couldn’t trump Audioslave.
In my opinion, Tom Morello is the greatest guitarist not named Jimmy. Page, Hendrix, and Morello. Sounds good, doesn’t it?
