“I’m Right. You’re Wrong.” is an advice column especially designed to help University at Buffalo students. So, if you have no one else to turn to (and I mean absolutely no one) drop off your question in our personals mailbox or email us at askgeneration@gmail.com. If you’re lucky, your question just might show up in the next issue.

Q: For some reason, I get an erection when I'm in class out of nowhere, and when class ends, I feel embarrassed to get up and leave because it's clear that something's wrong, and I don't want people to see it. I'm like just in the middle of a lecture and it happens. I know you are not a sex expert, but you might tell me what I can do. Thank you.

AM: Well, males tend to get random erections during puberty. For some, it may come later than for others. But, there's nothing to worry about. Although I can't personally relate, perhaps you could think about something unattractive or cold showers to help it go down. If it's not down by the end of class, try walking out with a book over your tent. Maybe you could buy one of those man-purses to carry your books and strategically place it in front of you. The erections should eventually stop popping up so often. If they don't, you should see a doctor.

P: You haven't asked a question. But whatever. I always get hard when I'm sleepy, mainly because it's the only time out of my week when I'm not depressed. Class gives me an opportunity to think about great times I've had when I wasn't in class. It's like holding your breath underwater—you take a deep breath and hope to resurface. Then again, I frequently find myself erect while swimming.

Q: Can a person with an outie bellybutton and a person with an innie bellybutton have bellybutton sex?

AM: Well, I've never heard of bellybutton sex, but “sex” can be defined as “sexually motivated phenomena or behavior.” So, I suppose if there's some kind of sexual behavior linked to the insertion of the outie in the innie, you could actually have bellybutton sex.

P: These questions are real, folks. Here we go: the problem with outies is that there's not much room in there for holding Cheetos and other miscellaneous foodstuffs. An innie's like a sex pantry, if you will. I frequently find myself craving Team Cheerios and Frank's hot sauce, and that kind of bellybutton convenience is just what I need for a night of magic. Not that I can usually stay awake long enough to know anything about that. Next question.

Q: My girlfriend has inverted nipples. I'm afraid to touch them—what will happen if they get stimulated? Will they recede further inwards or will they normalize?

AM: Lots of people—men and women—have inverted nipples. It's silly for you to be afraid of them. If they get stimulated, they will become erect just like every other nipple. The fact that you don't know this means you haven't done a very good job pleasing her.

P: Normalize? Hell no. Have you ever seen photographs of a volcano? You want to stay as far away from this freak as possible before her tits begin lactating red-hot magma. I don't know what an inverted nipple is, but I also don't know what a three-toed fire-eating dragon is, and I'm not in a hurry to start nuzzling around with one of those.

Q: I am crushing on a girl who has been dating another guy for a month. She seems to like me though. What should I do?

AM: Well, I wouldn't come on too strong if I were you. You want to be sure you're reading the signs right before you jump in. Try talking to her about her boyfriend—ask how things are going or if he's taken her out lately. Get a sense of how she feels about their relationship. If she hints to you that she's unhappy with him, that's a good sign. Tell her she deserves better and hint to her that you're in the market. If it's meant to be, it'll work out.

P: Change your name, cut your hair, buy new clothes, break off contact with all of your uncool friends, spend all your money on booze, start pretending to write a novel, start a band and book shows and play shows but make sure she doesn't show up, take lots of photos of yourself with hot chicks, threaten to kill yourself, become addicted to cocaine, sleep with a ton of chicks you don't know as practice, then Myspace message her to confirm what will surely have become a reality—you deserve each other. Good luck, pal.