“I’m Right. You’re Wrong.” is an advice column especially designed to help University at Buffalo students. So, if you have no one else to turn to (and I mean absolutely no one) drop off your question in our personals mailbox or email us at askgeneration@gmail.com. If you’re lucky, your question just might show up in the next issue.

Q: I recently hooked up with this girl who, from what I remember from our conversation, writes for this magazine. She was really hot and I want to see her again. Can you guys give me some tips on how to find her, or could you maybe just give me her number? She was so freaking hot! What can I do to find her?

AM: Well, you could try coming by the office. Talk to some of the staff members and maybe they can tell you when she’ll be around.

C: Just for the record, I’m all for giving out information on staff members indiscriminately. You’re not giving me too much to go on, though. I guess if you want a hot tip on how to find a girl whose appearance you remember, but whose name escapes you, you could look around. With your eyes.

Q: Why does being black at UB have to be so hard? This is college and everyone is supposed to be into new things. They also say once you go black, you never go back. How do I get the snow-bunnies to try out some chocolate?

AM: First of all, you shouldn’t only be interested in finding a girl for some action. You’ll find someone you’re interested in and who is interested in you if you keep your options open. Try attending different events or talking to different women in your classes. To answer your first question—I don’t know why it has to be hard to be black here. It shouldn’t be. Racism is alive on different campuses, in different states, and in countries throughout the world. But don’t worry, you’ll find a girl who can look past the color of your skin, and if you have a connection, the sex will be way better than you expected.

C: I’m right there with you, man. Being a male of western European descent around here is tough. It’s like everywhere I go people are glaring at me, sizing me up. My God, their eyes say, I think that young man means to impose his opinion of a national health care system on me. I can’t tell you how many times my requests for an “SA Norwegian Glacier Hiking” club have been denied.

But in all seriousness, I mostly deal with it by seducing black girls. They can’t wait to take a ride on the ivory pillar.

Q: Ever since Facebook and Google came out, I’ve been able to find hot guys that I see. I’ve actually gotten pretty good at it too.  For example, I saw this one kid around campus and found him on Facebook, now I see him everywhere and we’re “Facebook friends.” Do you think I have a problem or just a natural skill?

AM: Well, I wouldn’t call it a problem, but I definitely wouldn’t call it a natural skill either. You should really try to make friends in person. People can be very deceiving on the Internet, and if you meet your “Facebook friends” in person, they might turn out to be total creeps or just not the person you thought they were. It’s not a bad tool, though—you can communicate easily with student groups or find someone in your class to get the homework assignment from. Try to go to an event that wasn’t advertised on Facebook and meet some new friends the old-fashioned way.

C: I’m not quite sure exactly how Google helps you track down strangers you randomly see, but whatever. Is this a “skill”? I’m pretty sure the ability to use search engines is not resume-worthy stuff.

Maybe you should open a detective agency. You could specialize in cases that involve hung over tramps who can’t remember which “hawt” guy from the bar they slept with last night. It’d be just like clue! “Colonel FratFucker, with the Cincinnati Bowtie, in the men’s room of The Steer.” Have fun when you graduate.

Q: My roommate sleeps on the futon in the living room, and recently I have noticed a lot of white stains on the mattress. What should I tell the guests who come over?

AM: It’s not an issue of what you should be telling your guests—you should be talking to your roommate. Don’t be worried about what the source of the stains is. You just have to remind him to clean up after himself. Suggest he use hydrogen peroxide or a liquid detergent.

C: I’m guessing your roommate is male, since he sleeps on a futon in the living room. Just tell him to stop pulling out before he seals the deal. Then get a bucket for next to the futon, and his “guests” won’t even have to go to the bathroom to rinse out.