Here at the cusp of Generation’s Fall Fiction ‘06, I’d like to congratulate the writers involved, and all writers within the public education system, for sharing with us something creative. Technically, no teacher is grading these for the quality of an argument, the inclusion of a certain amount of quotes, or how many times you start a sentence with the word “and.” Technically, we are not interested in sentence length, as long as it’s good and interesting. And the more formal inaccuracies you can get away with, the greater your skills at creative writing, the more impressive your commitment to free expression.

This is impressive because, ever since we learned to communicate, we are trained to bullshit. Yes, teacher, we say, we are grateful to our parents for loving us and giving us toys. Yes, sir, we are grateful to our government for protecting us and giving us freedom. Yes, professor, we are grateful to this author for his brilliant use of personification and giving us something to bullshit about for five pages. We become quite attuned to what authorities want to hear. And we have no qualms with giving it to them.

There is a formula for ENG101 essays that allows for the clear articulation of the trajectory of an argument, while in the same breath sucking out any possibility for playing with words. A freshman is handed this mythical key called the “thesis statement,” shown where to slip it into the rigid wall that is their essay, and told to lock up in the conclusion before leaving it on the desk of a very busy and very important graduate student. Usually, these papers are opinion-based, ranging from such topics as gay marriage to racial discrimination and affirmative action. One would hope the variety of responses would reflect the heterogeneity of the classroom. Alas, they do not.

The papers are cookie-cutter. And, though all correct, they lack the importance and the urgency of something truly creative.

Which is not to say the papers are not important. On the contrary, they would be of the utmost importance if only they’d recognize themselves as such. How often in our lives do we get the opportunity to give our opinions, how often are we asked for a rant on our outlook on the current president’s administration or the social climate in Iraq? Truth is, as we get older, nobody gives a shit anymore, assuming they ever did. So we are forced to make them care with a mighty pen, by sheer volume, or coherence of argument, or emotional connection to beliefs. And yet, given the luxury of creative expression in school, most kids would trade in their vocal cords for an easy A.

Honestly, I’d probably have the urge to throw in a couple of swear words in mine, something to the effect of “this is too fucking complicated to summarize in two days.” I’d probably want to relate a story about my life, and why I think the things I do, and why it’s impossible to assign a letter grade or an arbitrary series of checks and pluses to a belief and a way of expression that is both highly personal and basically continuous. But ultimately, I wouldn’t. In the end, we give it to them, shrugging our shoulders in a resigned “take it, bitches, enjoy the aroma.” They couldn’t find a letter for anything different.

Indeed, they can’t handle the truth, which is our government-given right to express ourselves freely, especially in the written word. Since when have we forgotten how historically significant the act of writing something down has been, and continues to be in a climate of Patriot Acts and nationalism? It is bad enough we have to thank our government for a freedom we hardly exercise; now that the freedom is being pounded into thin air, is it up to us and Borat to reclaim an imperative that is rightfully ours?

So, I applaud these here artists, for remembering the liberties we have as writers, for considering stories about lesbians and lovers and the ever-present sense of our mortality. It’s nice to know we can still nurture or own independence and creativity since nobody’s going to do it for us. And as hard as it is to write something completely original, it certainly is refreshing to break with the formula, flip off the entire MLA institution and English education system as a whole, and try. I personally give that shit an A+. Enjoy.