This country was founded on a number of lofty ideals. “Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness” could never have become our inalienable rights, however, if it were not for the Revolutionary War. The scared, fledgling colonies, yearning to be free, had only one major piece of collateral to offer France when we sought their aid in our struggle for independence: tobacco. And yet, here we find ourselves. Smokers, like myself, being treated with less and less respect, continually declining rights, and a level of social acceptance that practically brands us as pariahs.

According to the most recent government estimates and surveys, approximately 20 percent of the nation smokes regularly. And every year, the anti-tobacco movements spend millions of dollars and thousands of hours working to treat them as second-class citizens. It seems downright asinine that, in a country that has spent billions fighting an illegal and illegitimate war to spread freedom, we spend an immense effort to curb the freedoms of a fifth of our domestic population.

Meanwhile, the War on Smoking burns on, if you’ll forgive the pun, at both the federal and state levels. One of Nancy Pelosi’s first moves, upon her recent ascension to Speaker of the House, was to ban smoking in the Speaker’s Lobby, a longstanding mingling area for House members. She cites that “medical science has unquestionably established the dangerous effect of secondhand smoke, including an increased risk of cancer and respiratory diseases.”

True, I grant you that my dear Nancy, but it’s still not illegal to use. Just because a substance has potential negative health implications doesn’t mean you should prohibit its use. Alcohol, for example, can cause cirrhosis of the liver and even death when used to excess, not to mention the thousands of fatalities from drunk driving accidents each year. Even drinking too much coffee can be dangerous, as it can cause hypertension, ulcers, and contains high levels of caffeine, which is arguably just as addictive and habit-forming as the nicotine found in tobacco. And yet both of those continue to be enjoyed by many more people than tobacco.

These anti-smoking Sandinistas also like to dangle death tolls in front of their audience in hopes that shockingly large numbers and startling factoids will get their point across. One such figure is that 400,000 Americans die each year from tobacco related causes, representing one in five American deaths each year. Hm. That’s funny. That’s the exact same proportion as smokers in the population! So, one-fifth of the population smokes, and one-fifth of annual deaths are smoking related. Seems to follow a logical progression, does it not?

With such a demand for smokeable goods, tobacco is one of the most valuable plants farmers can cultivate. Despite that, the prevalence of tobacco farms has decreased in the U.S. by nearly 90 percent, from 512,000 farms in 1954, to only 57,000 just five years ago. Legislators constantly lament the declining prosperity of the American agricultural worker, but continue to fight this ridiculous war against tobacco, undermining the profitability of the most lucrative cash crop.

Then there’s the incredible disparity in taxation when compared with other common vices. On a pack of 20 cigarettes, New York State charges $1.50, an amount that doubles inside that burgeoning downstate metropolis, New York City. Meanwhile, according to the Tax Policy Center’s 2006 figures, alcohol taxes in New York run 11 cents per gallon of beer, $0.1893 per gallon of wine, and $1.70 a liter on hard liquor. Coffee, on the other hand, isn’t taxed at all, beyond the sales tax that is collected on all purchases.

Now think about that. A single pack of cigarettes bought at a local gas station costs about five dollars, of which more than 25 percent is taxation. Contrast that with purchasing an eight to nine dollar 12-pack of beer, slightly more than a gallon of mead, with only a mere 12 to 13 cents of applicable state tax. Catch that sweet smell of fairness!

But undoubtedly the oppression will continue for smokers like me. The truest failure of our democracy is its inability to come an acceptable and amenable arrangement that can satisfy both parties. Instead, smokers like myself continue to pay egregious taxes and be glared and coughed at while we stand in the cold. Icicles often grow on my mustache as I burn my cigarette with amazing rapidity, in hopes that the feeling will quickly return to my numb and blue fingers when I am permitted to return indoors. Ah, ‘tis great to live in such a free nation, with equal treatment under the law, liberty, and justice for all…except smokers.