SHE’S GOTTA HAVE IT
Notes on a Scandal
8/10
by Abel Germosen
Rating Notes on a Scandal on creepiness alone would have given it a perfect ten out of ten. Sexual deviance and nut-job, elderly lesbians always make for great drama/suspense film fodder. Not at all a popcorn movie, this film’s undeniable foreign origin surfaces with its molasses-like pace and testy subject matter. If the juicy storyline is not enough to attract any moviegoer to this film, the cast might be. Anchored by the always majestic Judi Dench and Cate Blanchett, there are no weak links to complain about in this cast.
One of the focuses in Notes on a Scandal is the relationship between Sheba, played by Blanchett, and Barbara, played by Dench. Sheba is a “happily married,” new teacher that becomes consumed in a steamy relationship with one of her more feisty teenage students. Andrew Simpson delivers a very convincing performance as a male Lolita. Blanchett and Simpson are part of a reckless, X-rated relationship that is very powerful, yet a bit appalling at times, though it is shown only through a series of flashbacks and small scenes. It’s very disturbing to watch the consequences slowly destroy Sheba’s career and family, and lead her right into the hands of the scheming Barbara.
Judy Dench really does her character justice, as she plots and schemes ways to make Sheba her best friend, her lover, or just her property. Those with gerontophobia, fear of old people, should stay away from this film as Barbara turns out to be the scariest older person I’ve ever seen. Barbara’s bath scene was harrowing; think Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, now think about its complete opposite and add the feeling you get when you watch the shower scene in Psycho. Dench’s status and this performance are sure to garner her praise from all arenas. Splitting time as the narrator, Barbara’s views of the events in the movie are especially twisted and add to the sinister atmosphere surrounding the whole ordeal.
Notes on a Scandal accomplishes exactly what it sets out to do. It immerses the audience in an eerie environment, making us uncomfortable and squeamish at times, but delivering a provocative story through excellent performances all around. The only detracting factor might be its slow pace. I repeat: this is not a popcorn movie.
PEOPLE OF THE WORLD: GO SEE THE ART
Brainard exhibit - CFA
8/10
by Marina Blitshteyn
It’s a challenge not to expect some highbrow intellectual fuck-fest at an art exhibit opening, wrought with wine and cheese and kids tapping out polysyllabic labels like a desperate Morse code. Needless to say, I was pleasantly surprised.
Joe Brainard was an artist with such associations as Andy Warhol, Robert Creeley, Frank O’Hara, Ted Berrigan, and Barbara Guest, to just scratch the surface. Aside from his mountains of art works, he has written classics like I Remember, a masterpiece in its own right, consisting of such memories as boners in school and zipper notebooks. In fact, the entire exhibit was refreshingly unpretentious, a trait attributed to the nature of Brainard’s work more than the set-up of the gallery. There were glass boxes like tombs, art in frames like an artifact, but the stuff inside was thoroughly approachable, even for a novice like me.
Take, for example, the comic strip series Brainard worked on with various poets. They line the perimeter of the display room (in glass, nevertheless), all ink and round lines, the poetry in them like the filling in a cherry cordial. We read about existential animals and sundaes, three black high-heeled pumps thinking, “Cripes! Youth is one long intoxication!” Near it is a drawing of what appears to be a little girl, gouache on paper, lifting up a red skirt to reveal some male genitalia. The horizontal red lines expand down to a sentence in capital letters, “IF NANCY WAS A BOY.” There is also a wall of lovely collages and watercolors, a real hippie treat of soft colors and flowers. At the risk of taking it too seriously, the flower is built on scraps of torn paper, with the wide-ruled blue lines and fringes from a notebook that teachers despise.
One of my personal favorites was a drawing of a stage with rich red curtains, a grey dog with his nose close to the outlines of something resembling an ass and a caption of the following, “Fame awaits you, if you persevere in your chosen field.” To me it sounded painfully familiar, as I’m sure it is to anyone who’s ever related their aspirations to their parents. But there’s the butt, extended as if waiting to be sniffed by the dog, or bitten; much like the uncertainty of fame.
I heard from Michael Basinski, curator of the Poetry and Rare Books Collection in Capen, that this particular exhibit was supposed to open last year, but the collection at Fischbach was damaged in New Orleans due to Hurricane Katrina. It is our good fortune at the University at Buffalo to be able to host such a notable display, with works that have never been shown before, along with a collaborative book with UB’s legendary poet Robert Creeley. The exhibition will be going on until March 3 at the Center for the Arts gallery, and is worth checking out for the good humor and great skill.
ANYTHING BUT SMOKIN’
Smokin’ Aces
4/10
by Elizabeth Appel
Sounds of gunfire and yells from FBI agents fill the dialogue. Feds and contract killers from all over the globe battle it out for what seems like an eternity. Secret agents are captured and criminals are shot. The plot is easy to figure out—even the closing “twist” can be seen from a mile away.
Joe Carnahan’s latest film, Smokin’ Aces, falls short of exactly what he is trying to accomplish—the biggest, baddest, killing movie that ever existed. His pathetic rendition of a Tarantino flick is, to put it simply, bad. Almost the entire film can be summed up in three words: shooting, blood, and death. Carnahan attempts to beat all others of this genre, doing so only with additional bloodshed and gore. Neo-Nazis use new killing tactics as they slice up their innocent victims with chainsaws and then shoot them with machine guns until there is nothing left but a pile of guts.
As the film opens, two FBI agents (Ray Liotta and Ryan Reynolds) sit in a van, surveying what is left of a Mafioso family. Head of the family, Primo Sparazza (Joseph Ruskin), wants big time Las Vegas superstar, Buddy “Aces” Israel (Jeremy Piven), dead, putting a $1 million prize on his head. Israel has made millions from shows and gambling making him a member of the Las Vegas elite. The contract killers include the Neo-Nazis, a Swedish torturer often in disguise, a Spaniard who, in the past, chewed his fingertips down to the bone to escape profiling, a supposed group of police officers (Ben Affleck, Martin Henderson) who unfortunately are killed off immediately, and finally, two women (one of whom is Alicia Keys) working as a team, alluding to some sort of homosexual twist. All of the killers arrive in serene Lake Tahoe, Nevada, quickly making rubble out of a hotel and killing dozens.
The cast seems great at first, but is simply disappointing. The commercials are misleading, as both Ben Affleck and Ray Liotta have small roles. Ray Liotta’s partner, Ryan Reynolds, should stick to the Van Wilder roles. Andy Garcia (head of the FBI) plays his usual coldhearted character with little emotion. Jeremy Piven, best known for his role in HBO’s Entourage, makes Ari seem like a saint. His persona in Aces, Israel, is a cocaine addict, a patron of prostitution, and most importantly, a snitch.
Smokin’ Aces is nothing but a bloodbath with fleeting moments of “profundity,” which are quickly ruined by someone being sawed in half or shot to pieces. It is disillusioning and gratuitously gory.
THIS GAME IS CALLED,
“READ THE REVIEW”
Warioware: Smooth Moves
10/10
by Guy M. Scrivo
Since Warioware originally came out for the Game Boy Advance a few years ago, trying to explain it to people who have not played before is like the Buddha trying to explain nirvana to the unenlightened. Words simply fail as a tool and a medium to convey ideas. The game must be experienced rather than discussed. That being said, playing Warioware is sort of like playing a medley of five-second mini-games, such as “Sautee the Vegetables” or “Shave the Sideburn.” The goal of the game is to perform one task at lightning speed after being surprised with a randomly selected simple task.
“That sounds stupid,” says the foolish man, “I only play Madden and Halo.” Well, the argument could be made that slamming one button on a Game Boy was potentially stupid, but now that the Wii controller functions on so many complicated levels, there’s no way to say it’s absurd to use your controller as a flyswatter or an umbrella handle, because it actually took years of innovative Japanese engineering to create it. Is it stupid to spend hours on end playing games like “Balance the Broom Stick” when you are actually using the controller like a broom stick? Only to those who have never seen the light.
Considering that the Wii has a limited library of games at the moment, Warioware probably demonstrates some of the most unorthodox uses of such a strange new controller. The player is expected to switch their grip on the controller in a matter of seconds, holding it like bicycle handlebars, like a katana, or pressing it against your hip while you simulate moving a hula-hoop. While the game probably won’t prove much fun to a close-minded tight ass, I can wholeheartedly assure you that almost anyone with a couple beers and an appetite for fun won’t hesitate to fistfight their crippled grandmother in order to get their hands on the Wii-mote.
Warioware should also hold serious appeal to people with a Japanese culture fetish because of the strange sense of humor prevalent throughout the whole game. For example, everything screams in pain. We are all familiar with the bizarre and alien Japanese sense of humor, so hold the Wii-mote up to your nose like an elephant’s trunk and shake your head around, or you will lose the game in front of all your friends who will think you’re a fool for trying to save the last of your dignity. Offhand, I don’t think I could come up with a better party game for the Wii. Just make sure your friends wear that little strap around their wrist or your controller will be shattered against the wall when they lose a game like “Focus the Camera Lens.”
A MUSIC RUCKUS
Ruckus.com
7/10
by Katie Young
Graduating puts one very important aspect of my life in jeopardy; access to the University at Buffalo hub on Direct Connect. With approximately 60 terabytes of music and movies available on any given night, it’s essentially the one-stop shop for free entertainment. Ruckus Network has emerged within the past few months, with hopes that it can achieve a similar fan base of college students through an interesting concept—it is offering free, legal downloads to college students who have an email address ending in “.edu.” By using advertising from various companies like Chase and Barnes and Noble on its site, the network allows current university students to download the media for free; faculty members and alumni are required to pay $8.95 a month for the service.
On its website, Ruckus.com, Ruckus boasts of offering more than two million tracks from both major and independent record labels. Impressively, the Shins’ Wincing the Night Away, and The Good, The Bad, and The Queen’s self-titled debut album, were available for download the day of their releases. Older artists, such as U2, also had their entire discography available. However, the good things about the Ruckus Network began and ended with its music selection.
Ruckus Video offers movies for download, but their selection is dismal, with less than 20 movies. Their television selection is even worse—episodes one through five of Birds of Prey, if you’re lucky that is. Media compatibility also poses a problem. Ruckus exclusively uses Microsoft’s Windows media technology. Media which is downloaded through Ruckus can only be played with their music player. For copyright reasons, songs cannot be played on other media players, such Nullsoft’s WinAmp or Apple’s iTunes. I wouldn’t have minded importing my songs from iTunes onto the Ruckus Player, but merely looking at the screen made me nauseous. I might be spoiled by iTunes, but I don’t think using a media player should require a microscope for the tiny font, or sunglasses to shield my eyes from the flashy, annoying ads on the page. Apple could certainly give Ruckus tips on creating a website and player which is easier to use, with more customizing options.
Additionally, music fans will bump into a problem when downloading their music onto their portable music devices, because music from Ruckus.com does not transfer onto iPods or Microsoft’s Zune. Those who own devices compatible with Microsoft’s format, such as SanDisk and Creative, can transfer their songs for an additional $4.99 per month.
Ruckus certainly has good intentions. It also attempts to network its users, similar to Facebook.com or MySpace.com. However, it fails miserably in efficiency and ease, as well as its lack of compatibility with other popular items.
HEAVIER ON WAX
Every Time I Die Vinyl Box Set
7/10
by Jason Bauers
It seems that the contemporary music consumer has little use for LPs these days. Hell, even CDs have practically gone the way of the dinosaur. Nowadays, the average music fan probably doesn’t even own a record player, let alone buy LPs.
Still, many punk and hardcore bands have continued to release albums on vinyl. The medium was so vital to the growth of hardcore in the 1980s and 90s that a tremendous respect for it remains strong among fans within the scene. In fact, the loyalty of fans, combined with limited production, makes vinyl releases some of the most coveted items in hardcore. Hometown hardcore heroes Every Time I Die are certainly no strangers to the hardcore tradition. As a reward to their loyal fans, the band recently released a box set on Suburban Home Records containing all three of their full-length albums on vinyl for the very first time.
Are there any exclusive vinyl-only tracks? No. New artwork? No. So why would anyone want to spend $40 on three albums that they already own, with no extras, in a format in which they probably do not even have the capability to listen to them? I’m glad you asked.
First of all, nothing can compare to the gritty sonic assault that is rock ‘n’ roll on wax. We’ve become so accustomed to puny 4 1/4 inch CDs that we have forgotten how pleasurable the full 12 inches of an LP can be. There is something incredibly alluring about that harsh, dirty, grainy tone that is unique to vinyl. The powerful machismo, testosterone-fueled drive, and all around badassness of a rock ‘n’ roll record satisfy like no other. ETID’s latest release, Gutter Phenomenon, with its high concentration of cock rock, is certainly the one album of the three that is truly suited for vinyl. Putting the needle on the wax will put hair on your chest.
Secondly, there is a little hardcore fanboy inside each and every one of us who is tickled pink by the idea of limited editions. Only 1,000 copies of the boxed set were released, 300 of which were pressed on colored vinyl to give even the nerdiest of collectors something to drool over. Sit and Spin is the only store in the area that carries them, and word on the street is that they are down to their last few copies not even a week after its release. The limited availability certainly puts the box set in high demand and owning one will make you feel as though you just became a member of an exclusive club of pretentious hardcore purists. Who doesn’t want that?
This boxed set is certainly not for everyone. Unless you are a die-hard ETID fan, a nerdy hardcore vinyl collector, or want to make a quick buck on eBay, it’s probably not worth your money. But let me tell you, it sure felt good to put a rock ‘n’ roll record on the turntable and reassert my manhood.
THEY LOVE JESUS, HOW ‘BOUT YOU?
Jesus Camp
10/10
by Adam Hojnacki
I never thought that a bunch of six to 12-year-old Christian kids could be so scary. I was dead wrong. The sight of a few dozen elementary school children fainting, convulsing on the ground, crying, and speaking in tongues as their bodies are possessed by the power of the Holy Spirit was chilling. I proceeded to watch the remainder of the documentary, Jesus Camp, with the lights on.
Heidi Ewing and Rachel Grady do an outstanding job directing this recently released DVD. It is a critically acclaimed eye-opener about the growing world of Evangelical Christians. The documentary takes you inside pastor Becky Fischer’s “‘Kids on Fire’ Summer Camp,” where our country’s Christian youth is being sent to train for “God’s Army.” The Evangelical community believes it is time for a change in the nation’s politics and their plan to “take back America for Christ” is entrusted to the hands of a very young and impressionable, but quickly-maturing generation.
Ewing and Grady follow three of the preteen crusaders into this extremist camp; Tory, nine, Rachel, ten, and my favorite, Levi, 12. These children, who are mostly home- schooled, live a sheltered life and are brainwashed to be Christian bullies at a young age. They grow up in households where the Darwin’s theory of evolution is laughed at, biblical teachings are followed in a literal sense, and the pledge of allegiance to the Christian flag is repeated before every single meal. Even watching Harry Potter movies is congruent to worshipping the devil.
Levi, who has a mullet and consistently sports Jesus t-shirts, does not idolize Superman or Spiderman like most boys his age. Unfortunately, he looks up to Ted Haggard, a mega church pastor who is reported to be Bush’s religious advisor. Supposedly, the two talk on a regular basis, once weekly. Haggard was recently involved in a drug and homosexual prostitution scandal. I wonder what poor little Levi thinks of him now. When asked how long he has been a Christian, Levi will tell you, “At five, I got saved because I just wanted more out of life.” When most kids are five they are usually less concerned with being saved and more so with potty training.
If it is not obvious enough by the life-size cardboard cut-out of President Bush that the children thank regularly, Mike Papantonio of Air America makes an appearance on the documentary to point out how Evangelicals are trying to blend church with state. The Evangelical church represents 25 percent of the population, roughly 80 million, and growing. A new church is opened every two days. Papantonio tells us they call Bush an “anointed holy man” that is helping them create a Christian state in America. For Republicans this is good news. Haggard claims that if the entire Evangelical community comes out to vote, they could gain control of the election. If you are unfamiliar with these crazy Christians, watch this documentary. Then warn all your friends.
IT’S BETTER DOWN WHERE IT’S WETTER
Bonefish Grill
9/10
by Daniele Westfall
Bonefish Grill has a comfortable, warm atmosphere with dim lighting complete with creative fish and sea wall-hangings. It sets the mood for romance and conversation. Going on a Friday night, I encountered a long wait (two and a half hours!), but was determined to stick around. Bonefish is conveniently connected to the Boulevard mall, so during those long waits you can take a stroll. My date and I then went straight to the bar for a little pre-dinner treat. A few exquisite raspberry martinis later, we were seated.
We sat in a private booth and were promptly taken care of by one of the waiters. We ordered two crab cakes ($10.90) as an appetizer. They were juicy, thick, and absolutely mouth-watering. They were gone before they even reached the table.
As I glanced through the menu I noticed the large selection of fresh fish to choose from but was instantly disappointed when our server announced half of the fresh fish was gone after a busy Friday night. Bonefish made up for their extremely busy schedule and incomplete menu with a stunning variety of sauces for its fish. Whether you pick the Atlantic Swordfish or the Ahi Tuna (cooked over a specialized wood-burning grill), you have a choice of warm mango salsa, lime tomato garlic, lemon butter, and pan Asian teriyaki glaze .
I chose the twin lobster tails ($32 for twin, $22 for single) for my main course, which came with butter instead of their specialty sauces. Each entrée comes with two sides. They include angel hair pasta with marinara sauce, a vegetable medley, or several choices of potatoes. I chose the vegetable medley and garlic mashed potatoes. My date ordered the Atlantic salmon. Our meal came in a timely manner and the overall presentation of the dishes was very professional. The quality was excellent.
Most of the entrees range from $10 to $20. Their appetizers are not nearly as expensive as I would have expected either. Bacon-wrapped Scallops and Ahi Tuna sashimi are only some of their savory starters. Despite the hectic nature of the seating, it maintained a relaxing ambiance. Once you were inside, the service was nothing to complain about. The staff was welcoming and the “under the sea” theme was even more so. Their wine list is satisfying as well as their martini menu. They don’t, however, have a wide selection of beers, so don’t expect to order a nice, classy brew there. If you don’t like seafood I still suggest going there because they offer other delectable items such as filet mignon and pork tenderloins. I would suggest trying to make a reservation beforehand, but according to their phone service operator, they only take ten percent of the calls they get.
A CURIOUS FELLER’S AS GOOD AS AN INTERESTED LADY
The Naked Trucker & T-Bones Show
7/10
by Guy M. Scrivo
Who is David Koechner? He is perhaps one of the greatest thespians of our time. His range as an actor is panoramic, from his portrayal of the idiotic southern product-of-inbreeding Cooter in The Dukes of Hazard, the obnoxious, cowboy-hat-sporting southerner Champ Kind in Anchorman, to Arch, that loud and annoying southern ass hat in Snakes on a Plane. I happen to like this guy, and when I want a generous helping of oblivious asshole with a southern accent, David Koechner has always been there for me.
So when I saw commercials for the Naked Trucker & T-Bones Show, displaying David’s tremendous sideburns while he screamed things in a kung fu stance, it inspired me not only to check out the show, but also to grow my own large sideburns and carry a chain wallet so I can look like the King of the Walden Superflea. The first week it aired, it was pretty clever. Will Ferrell even had a genius cameo on the episode, playing an insane jogger who wanted to race Trucker’s truck. When he agreed to it, Ferrell just slashed his front tires and ran away. The show started off with some funny premises and incredibly clever dialogue, so I was excited and told all of my friends to watch the second episode. I told them that if they liked comedy from the same throbbing artery as Mr. Show or Kids in the Hall, they’d like NT&TB Show.
When that second episode ended, I was stunned and embarrassed. It seemed as if they had used up all of their funny ideas on the first episode. NT&TB number two barely held my attention. All of my friends began to question my credibility, and said, “That wasn’t really funny, Guy. You just stole 28 minutes of my life, and now they’re gone forever.”
I decided to continue testing the waters and try out the third episode before I abandoned all hope based on the possible fluke. I’m glad I did it because the third episode proved entertaining, even though the preview on the commercial showed some silly cliché Cheech and Chong jokes about hallucinogens. There was a great musical sketch called “Anything’s a Weapon.” While I cannot always call it intellectual and clever, it still might be anyway, so it’s worth a glance if you’re a regular Comedy Central viewer.
ESOPUS, WHERE ARE YOU?
Esopus Magazine
10/10
by Victoria Burhans
In this fast-paced world, there are few opportunities for us to experience art and hear new creative voices. Who wants to go downtown to the Albright-Knox when it’s easier to stay home and watch TV? Who has time to travel to New York City and visit museums and galleries? Good art is hard to access, but luckily Esopus magazine collects a plethora of new artists and showcases their work in a semiannual art issue.
Since 2003, The Esopus Foundation has strived to connect the public world with the art world. Voted one of the best new magazines of ‘03, Esopus also puts on functions and school programs within the NYC area. Boasting an open submission policy, The Foundation distributes the artwork with the intention of letting readers interpret it for themselves. They work hard to eliminate any bias from their magazine.
For the latest issue, Esopus Seven, the editors collected a hodge-podge of new and old artists for the fall issue. The cover artwork by 13-year-old Alex Brown displays the brutality of war using only juvenile tools, but sending a powerful message. The drawing, sketched in ballpoint pen and filled in with colored pencils, provides the eighth grader’s unique viewpoint regarding the reality of battle. Other artwork inside the pages includes the art project by Gareth Jones entitled “Ten Kitchens,” which is a retro look back on the Sears/Roebuck’s catalog advertisements. “Autographs” is one of the most interesting art projects in the magazine, because it is a poem about lost love, illustrated by the father of the poet. Esopus highlights new writers as well, like Vivien Shotwell. Her short story “Methods of Rest,” is a unique fiction piece broken up into clever tips on how to fall asleep, giving us insight into the narrator’s life and their account of insomnia.
The magazine also aims to get readers to interact with the magazine, using removable art inserts. Two pull-out posters include Frank Benson’s “Flag 2006” (an artistic American Flag poster) and the Museum of Modern Art’s notes about the scope of modernism in a drawn out, yet interesting, explanation. The editors also sent out Ouija boards to multiple participants, in order to receive in exchange musical tracks chronicling these lucky contestants’ experiences. The mixed CD, labeled “Ouija,” is included in the back.
Esopus offers an array of artistic genres within the pages. The Esopus Foundation makes a note-worthy effort to show art in new, unique, and engaging ways. On sale at your local Borders or Barnes & Noble for only $10, it’s about the same price as admission to the A-K gallery.
