“I’m Right. You’re Wrong.” is an advice column especially designed to help University at Buffalo students. So, if you have no one else to turn to (and I mean absolutely no one) drop off your question in our personals mailbox or email us at askgeneration@gmail.com. If you’re lucky, your question just might show up in the next issue.

Q: How do a group of losers like you get your site featured on UB Learns? How much does a promo like that cost?

TJ: We were actually unaware of that until a few days ago. I guess UB felt the need to flood our email boxes by alerting people about the online personal box. We’re up to about 50 per day.

C: It didn’t cost anything, but boy is my anus sore.

Q: There is a girl in my class who usually sits next to me and I think she wants me. How can I find out?

TJ: Chances are if she “wants you” she will seem interested and possibly agree to going out with you. Then, take it from there. She probably doesn’t want you, but knowing someone in class always is a plus and she’s probably just trying to steal your notes.

C: You kids are so adorable. We get this question like every fucking week, and the answer never changes. All you have to do to get with this lady is hurl yourself from a moving bus. Believe me, chicks dig heroics.

Q: Everyone seems to be talking about this thing called global warming. What is it and what’s the big freakin’ deal?

TJ: Google “global warming.” You will be bombarded with information, and it will save me about ten pages of explanation.

C: I thought Moss and I solved that thing like a year ago.

Q: Where should I go on Spring Break? I don’t have a lot of cash, but I want to have a good time.

TJ: There are quite a few options, depending on what you are interested in. If you live around Western New York, try and plan a short trip to Toronto. The city is famous for its nightlife, dining, and concerts. Staying in a hostel with some friends will run you less than $50 per night, most likely less, depending on where you go. If you enjoy skiing and snowboarding, Collegeskitrips.com offers trips to Vermont for about $400 that includes lodging and ski passes. Live near New York City? Go down for a night or just the day to enjoy all the Big Apple has to offer. I suggest pursuing the Village and Soho in search of hip restaurants and unique bars instead of falling into the usually tourist traps. Roads trips are always fun. Map out some nearby cities, parks, or attractions and go check out what’s out there.

C: Oh, dawg, I loves the Spring Break. Woooo! This one time, me and my boy T-Fly jetted down to Virginia Beach in my Dad’s V-Dub for Spring Break (Woooo!). We were reppin’ our letters B-Lo style, and lemme tell ya man, those ladies be all up ons! I totally got this HJ in a MickeyD’s parking lot! We was burnin’ schwag on the beach all day, then we’d hit da clerb at night. Twofer Bud Lites be da bombs! That was one badass Spring Break, son. Woooo!

Q: Someone rammed into my car in the parking lot and left a huge dent. I know its unlikely but is there any way I can catch the guy?

TJ: Sadly, probably not. What you can do is go to the University Police. They will file a report and hopefully notice a Honda rolling around with your car’s paint color smeared all over the bumper.

C: How quaint. Listen, the UB parking lots are kind of like the Wild West—you got your good, your bad, and your my-parents-said-they’d-buy-me-an-Escalade-if-I-went-to-public-schoolers. Do you really think the sheriff is going to do anything? Form up a posse and start trolling the parking lots, just like in the good old days. You could probably pull off a lynching from the Student Union balcony once you find your culprit.

Q: Why is my shower so fucking cold?

TJ: Maybe you lost the heat lotto. The odds really aren’t so good. Sucks, doesn’t it?

C: I’m going to take a wild stab here and say you live in Ellicott. If you’re really jonesing for a warm wash, you could always fill up a big pot with water and put it on the stove. Wait for it to come to a boil, since it’s going to cool off when you move it. Remove the pot from the heat and carry it down the hallway to the elevator. Make your way over to 106 Spaulding and toss the contents on the first person you see. You won’t be any cleaner, but you’ll feel better. Tell them my sophomore year sent you.