To all the Asians who got the intelligence and hardworking gene, I may be slightly slow and extremely unmotivated, but at least this Asian got height!

This is not a family business!

To the girl last semester asking about the guy with the guitar going into Porter 6: we can't figure out which one of us it was... can you give more detail? Sincerely, the guitar players of Porter 6.

This is a very confusing personal.

Five young scholars in Spaulding Quadrangle seeking young Long Island girl willing to participate on a ride on the Spaulding Express Train...any girls wishing to take a trip please respond to EXPRESS

To the guys in Southlake. Tone it down a bit when you play Smash. When the cops come asking about a rape, it’s gone to far.

Y dont you guys smoke bluts anymore? I like-a to smoke the blut.

To all Long Island girls who stop in at the Elli, if you throw your fucking UB Card at me one more time, I'm going to reach across the counter and punch you in the fucking mouth.

To the football player who's uncle is kinda big deal around here....he never won the super bow, your brother never beat up 35 guys at the same time and how many uncles do you really have...and no one can survive a crash in the bering straight

How do you tie a super bow?

I for one am not voting for the party with the smelly kid that handed me a flyer. Gross.

Fck you generation bastard for not putting my original bitching personal up, im gong to find all you fckers and shove razor blade dildos up every single one of your asses, also to the girl that eats at goodyear hall, my dick is hard for you. signed: the tall asshole

Your original personal didn’t make it in because you weren’t aggressive enough.

Two governerds looking to get laid. At this point anything will do. Meet us at Capen.

Sometimes you just have to ask yourself... where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?

If you’re nine, yeah.

to ***, i love you but i didnt know how else to tell you. - ***

Keep ‘em comin’, kids!

im in ur shower stealin ur shampooz

To the cunt bitch I wasted 5 years of my life on, your a disgusting piece of shit, Im happy I cheated on you cuz your saggy tits, jelly thighs, huge ass, and pale ass skin just weren't doing it 4 me. Have fun at Unos with the rest of the lifers whore.

Completely real.I love this place!

Dear girls that need to get laid come to Spaulding any time there are plenty of willing guys and we smoke blunts all the time dont worry we smoke blunts too

I wish everyone at UB wasn’t so damn ig’nant!

To all the LI Girls, Your contributions to the UB2020 Plan are greatly appreciated.

To the loud mouths who've moved into the last commuter lounge: Shut up, you geeky fucks. I know it's the only place left that's quiet and secluded enough to masterbate to the sound of your own voices, but the rest of us are trying to do something with our time at college and need that room to get some sleep between classes. We really don't need to lose any more sleep to your shitty conversations.

The tan looking kid that hangs out with the soccer guys, what is your name? You are so freaking hot! I want to screw your brains out!

Taken literally, that sounds quite painful.

just put your elbow around somebody's neck, and walk away so it strangles them. then yell in their ear "yo, WHAT'S really good"

Do you need tickets to SA events? Sabres games? SBI movie passes? Then put on your best confused expression, come up to 315 SU, and enter tentatively. A tenuous grasp on the English language will get you faster service.

To the voting machines in the Union, you fucked up my week.

PS Window Cleaners, Inc! No job too small! We provide own saliva! Interior windowns only. Not responsible for possessions stolen by cleaners.