“I’m Right. You’re Wrong.” is an advice column especially designed to help University at Buffalo students. So, if you have no one else to turn to (and I mean absolutely no one) drop off your question in our personals mailbox or email us at askgeneration@gmail.com. If you’re lucky, your question just might show up in the next issue.

Q: HoWz can We SmoK BLUtS if sPriNgFEST bEs iN ALUmNi!!!!!!??????? WTF!!!!

T: Good luck trying to smoke up in Alumni. Last Fest they were booting people out for taking pictures, let alone enjoying an illegal substance. Your best bet is getting backstage; I have a hunch that there may be some marijuana smoking going on.

C: My friend Pablo has a great strategy for getting illegal substances past the federales. If you’re looking to bring weight to Spring Fest, simply place your greenery in condoms, tie them off, and toss ‘em down the hatch. Non-lubricated works best, but some of those fruity flavored dealies might be more palatable. Follow this procedure in the morning, and you’ll have your bluts back right before The Roots take the stage.

Q: How do you start a revolution?

T: Good question. When you can’t be satisfied with a simple protest, go for a full blown coup d’état. Start by pinpointing what irks you most about society, government, education... whatever. Then, using advanced rhetoric skills, coax followers into agreeing with everything you say and think. Hopefully, if everything goes according to plan, you will amass a group so large, a revolt will be inevitable. Oh, don’t become power hungry, revolutions are for the common good and should not turn totalitarian.

C: Choose a direction, right or left. Walk, curving your path slightly in the direction you chose. Continue until you return to your original position. Your revolution is complete.

Q: I want to have a blowout for my 21st birthday, any party ideas?

T: If you received some early birthday money, or like to spend a little extra for a good time, call around to local bars and restaurants and see what their prices are for private parties. Most places charge between eight to 12 bucks a head for open bar; add food platters and the price tag can run upwards to $300-400. If you’re a cheap ass like the rest of us, kegs of Molson are $65. Pick one up and charge $5 a cup. People will make you do lots of shots no matter what happens. Happy alcohol poisoning!

P: Yeah. Drink like a fish. By which I mean fill a fishbowl with hard liquor and don’t stop ‘til it’s gone. Bonus points for using a 10 gallon tank.

Q: A group of friends and I have a person that constantly leeches off all our work. How can we off him?

T: There are several ways you can off someone. Refer to The Sopranos for some ideas. I personally like the “let’s go for a ride” tactic. Or maybe the “shoot him in the fuckin’ head” approach is more your speed.

C: Bake him a cake. Special ingredients: rat poison and razor blades. It’s sure to do the trick.

Q: Where can I get cheap shit for my new house?

T: Luckily, Buffalo isn’t expensive, so finding cheap appliances and furniture isn’t difficult. If you want really inexpensive home accessories, scour every Salvation Army and Amvets in town. Sometimes, you can find couches and chairs that don’t have cat piss all over them. For high quality, yet fairly priced home goods, check out Ikea. Those Swedes really know how to make furniture, and the 99-cent meatballs in the cafeteria are delicious.

C: Spring’s coming, and that means all sorts of goodies will be showing up along the side of the road pretty soon. Snag two friends, a 30-pack, pile into a Toyota Tercel Hatchback, and participate in the age-old tradition of scavenging termite-infested couches. It was thrown out for a reason, and it wasn’t because it didn’t suit the décor.

Q: I'm quite puzzled by the clock above the elevators on the 3rd floor of Capen. I'm pretty sure that it's been on the same time since school started in August. Doesn't anybody ever fix those things?

T: The third floor in Capen must be in some sort of freaky time warp, what else could explain it?

P: I've only been to Capen about twice in my college career. So, to answer this question, I asked my good friend Features Editor Jason Tracy. “That's like, two more times than I've ever been in there.”