Are gumballs from porn shops safe to eat?

if someone doesn't take care of them fucking potholes at the bookstore i swear to god im going to eat a baby

to the dude in my phi class who leaves and takes a dump every single class, give the shitters a break man

To the useless guy that works in the cellar: do you actually try that hard to do nothing? because it seems like that is more work than actually working. You are my hero

New study reveals that 98% of all generation personel writers who dabble in the "i wanna sleep with xxx" brand of personals are writing about it because they can't actually get any. The other 2% write while masturbating. Good to know these idiots aren't actually reproducing.

Next Fall, ENG 497: Personals Writing for the Non-Major.

them L.I. girls from down the hall must be prego or sumthin cuz there tampons havent been thrown around the bathroom in a while

TO THE ASSHOLE THAT STOLE MY LAUNDRY Fuck you, you God damn son of a crack addicted bitch. You are a sad excuse for a human being, I loathe every ounce of your existence, and your mother is a whore. When you were a kid, she asked you to run away from home. Because of you, society has reached a new low. You are worse than Jeffery Dahmer and Michael Jackson combined. Your face is a waste of molecules. Why in the fuck would you steal someone’s laundry? If you were any more stupid, you'd have to be watered twice a week. You must come from the shallow end of the gene pool. I've got an empty feeling in my soul from where my clothes used to be, but you've got an empty feeling in your head because there's nothing in there. Douchecock. I'm not saying you're dumb, I'm just saying that you didn't learn how to wave goodbye until you were 16 years old. Besides, you must have a very big brain to hold so much ignorance. I hate your soul in a way that is unimaginable even to Hitler. You're nothing but a stupid frog humping rectum head. I hope that you get run over by a bus on your way to class and that your carcass is devoured by Esteban, the friendly groundhog. But go ahead and keep my clothes. Let it remind you every day that you are a worthless piece of human shit that doesn't deserve to walk on the face of the Earth. Go fuck yourself with a rake. P.S. I have crabs and I like to go commando.

the new personals suck BIG time! what ever happened to the good old LI girl bashing, the Greek haters?

How many times must you read the same personal before it stops being funny? The answer is four years.

I'd hit that! Oh wait, I just did. Masturbation fucking rules.

Dear horny/desperate UB male population: I'm a virgin.

frat boys from fred town... you're just jealous that you can't have any of the whore juice from 482... ps. you are never writing on our massive boobies again :)

female looking for a lumpy log, find me crying in the bathroom

to the cocksuckers at generation magazine: How come everytime I enter a personal you idiots always wind up editting my choice of wording, and misspelling most of the words as well. Tell your cum guzzling editor to cut the shit!!!!!

Yeah, we “edittors” are a bunch of idiots...

Oh and I bet noone ever wrote "smoke a blut!!1" it was probably one of those retarded english majors (likely from LI) who can't figure out how to copy and paste.

Standard issue white male seeking reasonable looking female interested in bearing 2-4 children in the near future. Will not have to work. Positions available for both Jews and Christians. Reply if interested.

Dear "every guy at UB" (writer of last week's Perk's personal)- we're all dying to know who you are....show your face! Also, you need to work on your grammar and spelling a bit...and as the Perk's girls, we've been asked to shout out some love to our hunky Perk's boys....they're just as dang hot! Love, the Clement Cafe and Perks chicks.

That’s all folks. Have a good summer!