“I’m Right. You’re Wrong.” is an advice column especially designed to help University at Buffalo students. So, if you have no one else to turn to (and I mean absolutely no one) drop off your question in our personals mailbox or email us at askgeneration@gmail.com. If you’re lucky, your question just might show up in the next issue.

Q: What is Fallfest? Where is Fallfest? Where can I get tickets?

TJ: It's September 8, tickets are free, it's at Baird Point, a few marginally decent bands are playing, and (cue the drum roll) THERE WILL BE A BEER TENT! Finally someone in SA is doing their job.

A: Fallfest is this thing that happens every year. It's kind of a joke. A bunch of goofs line up across campus all day to get in and buy five-dollar pizza and listen to bad music. It's like Woodstock '99, but unfortunately no one will set this one on fire. I'd take whatever measures necessary to avoid this year’s Fallfest because: 1. Foghat isn't playing, and 2. Reel Big Fish is. Ska shows bring ska kids. Have you ever seen a ska kid before? Actually, it might be worth going to just watch a bunch of 17-year-olds dressed in bad plaid suits dancing poorly with each other in a circle. Oh, and it sucks.

Q: I just went out drinking with a girl I met in World Civ. and I think I slept with her. I honestly don't remember. Should I call her to find out?

TJ: Just ask her straight up: “Hey, did you get all the notes for the Mesopotamia lecture and were you a screamer?”

A: First rule of college, do not drink with people you have classes with. Drink with people you see on your way to classes. There are around forty people you will see every day, for your entire college career, with whom you will never have a class. I'm sure you already are familiar with a few of them: wheelchair kid, girlpants guy, trenchcoat dude, etc. You don't want to do something stupid with someone you HAVE to see every day. There are at least half a dozen ways to get from any building to any other on campus. If you have to avoid someone, it's not that hard unless you guys are fucking deskmates or something. Be smarter next time. Or if you have to, just try fingering her in lecture. Whatever the result, it'll help put you two on the same page.

Q: I just got to UB and the first thing I realized is that the food is expensive and it sucks. Any suggestions?

TJ: As a freshman and sophomore, I frequented Salsa in Ellicott. The tortilla soup will blow your mind. The salads and tacos aren't too bad either. I'll even say it's worth a trip on the UB Stampede. Aside from that and Perks' frozen yogurt —it's a long, sad road until you have your own kitchen or expendable income for restaurants.

A: Pizza Hut at Bailey and Eggert. All you can eat daily lunch buffet, 11:30-1:30, Monday through Friday. Or peanut butter and jelly. You're welcome.

Q: What is the deal with the personals? I've heard I have to read them, but why?

TJ: You might get a laugh out of all the obscenities, Long Island bashing and overall lack of the proper use of English—or you might think our school is full of idiots. You be the judge. I personally enjoy the ones in which someone is honestly looking for love, like: “Nice Polish kid looking for a freaky Asian to wrestle in bed with. Contact the ‘Polish Sausage.’”

A: You write something, and people read it. It's a lot like the Internet, or more accurately, the bathroom stalls in Lockwood. It's all anonymous so you don't have to man up to actually say anything. That's why frat dudes love it. Yeah, I just called frat dudes pussies. Bring it.

Q: I came home to my apartment the other night to find out that my bitch roommate threw a party while I was gone. There was coke residue on my TV, my PlayStation was gone, and someone peed in one of my shoes. What should I say to her?

TJ: Pee on her shoes. Duh.

A: Tell her she is a cunt. Bitches hate that shit. Unless she's freaky. Wink after and see what she does. You may have just scored yourself a free lay just two rooms down whenever you need it, not to mention coke. Coke is like wampum to college students. You can barter for beans or some shit. Or kick her out. Yeah, kick her out. Don't forget to key her car first.