“I’m Right. You’re Wrong.” is an advice column especially designed to help University at Buffalo students. So, if you have no one else to turn to (and I mean absolutely no one) drop off your question in our personals mailbox or email us at askgeneration@gmail.com. If you’re lucky, your question just might show up in the next issue.

Q: Which is better, Molson or Labatt Blue?

TJ: Molson had a definite lead on Labatt for a while when they had the twin labels. My boyfriend kept one in his wallet that said “Wild and Wooly.” You know, just in case anyone was wondering. My personal favorite was the “Who Needs Pants?” one, illustrated by a man holding up a barrel. Now that’s a good ad campaign. When they got rid of those, however, things looked a little bleak for Molson. But then I realized Labatt tastes like old, wet bread.

A: Jack Daniels. Seriously though, one night I was out dancing with former Generation editor in chief Peter Scheck, and he turned me onto Labatt Blue Light during a 2-4-1 special. As if dancing was not girly enough, here we were drinking light beer. One summer later—it’s one of the only things I drink. I won’t drink Molson because it says “Canadian” in huge letters right on the can, and I don’t like any sort of pride whatsoever. At least Labatt hides it a little. Also, I have a Pez dispenser with a hockey helmet on top that expels cans of Blue in my kitchen. When Molson makes something like that, then we can start talking.

Q: I think my roommate is gay because she makes some suggestive comments to me sometimes and I think I saw her checking me out after I took a shower. Would it be bad just to ask her to find out? It doesn’t make me uncomfortable, but I’d just like to know.

TJ: You probably shouldn’t explicitly ask her, “Hey, do you like chicks?” Try and bring up a conversation about dating history and guys—you know, a good ole’ round of girl talk. As a woman, I know how those conversations can go. Believe me, being sincere and interested will get way more information than booze ever will.

A: Are you two hot? If not, I really don’t care. Let’s assume you are. I found that if you have to ask something important, it’s a good thing to get shitfaced first. That way, if it is embarrassing later, you can just blame the booze. Why don’t the two of you pick up some of the aforementioned beers and stop by 315 Student Union and we can talk about it together? Ask for Cool Dude McRad. I’ll be the one with my pants off.

Q: Why are there so many people riding around on blue bicycles with skinny tires all of a sudden?

TJ: People are riding them because it’s a mile to get back to wherever they parked. The bikes have skinny, road tires because there is no need for mountain bike tires. There’s not a goddamned gradient around here for miles. It’s a surprise North Campus doesn’t get tornadoes whipping through on a weekly basis.

A: Well, we were supposed to get Segways, but all of our student activity fee money was allotted to SA to print Visions on ultra-grade glossy paper. I’m excited you guys decided to go with a collage on the cover this issue. Classsssy.

Q: Are there any places to see a movie around UB? I know there’s a theatre by South Campus but I feel like I’m stuck on North and have no options.

TJ: The good ole’ Student Union shows films a few times a week. They actually are fairly decent and it beats shelling out seventeen bucks at Regal. Wait, don’t you have DC++?

A: My first semester, there were two movie theatres on Maple Road, literally one block away from each other. The same company operated them, and the only competition they faced was with each other. In true Amherst fashion, it was completely and utterly ridiculous. Luckily for you, one of them still remains. If you can scavenge for an empty large box of popcorn in the trash and bring it to the concession stand, they refill it for free. Don’t ask me how I know this but I swear it fucking works.

Q: I woke up this morning and noticed blood on my pillow—I think it came from my ear. What’s the deal with that?

TJ: This could be one of a few things. You most likely have a serious ear infection. Go to Michael Hall ASAP for some antibiotics. Have you been jamming Q-tips down your ear canal in efforts to remove every last speck of wax? Not a good idea. You can rupture your eardrum causing irreversible damage. Or maybe some kind of critter laid eggs in there. Hope this isn’t the case. Well, good luck!

A: It’s one of God’s little ways of telling you that you will be dead soon. Sell back your books now, funerals are pricey.