“I’m Right. You’re Wrong.” is an advice column especially designed to help University at Buffalo students. So, if you have no one else to turn to (and I mean absolutely no one) drop off your question in our personals mailbox or email us at askgeneration@gmail.com. If you’re lucky, your question just might show up in the next issue.
Q: I just got a tattoo but it’s been a few weeks and it hasn’t healed yet. It’s still kind of red and scabby. Should I be worried?
TS: It all depends on the size. Larger, more colorful tattoos take about two weeks, usually more to fully heal. Smaller ones should scab over earlier and appear to be healed within a week. I recently went under the gun and my sizable art only took a week and a half to feel ok, so I would definitely go back to the shop that inked you and have them take a look.
AB: You know they call that herpes, right?
Q: How can I get interviewed by Steve and Andrew?
TS: They’ll strike anywhere and anyone. Be ready for impromptu questioning at all times, especially around 3 p.m. in the Union on Wednesdays or Fridays.
AB: Grow tits and have beer. It really couldn’t be any simpler.
Q: My CSE professor has a really heavy accent and I can’t understand anything he says, and now I feel like I’m falling behind in the class. I have to pass the class to graduate. Should I interrupt him or just keep trying to take notes?
TS: If you don’t want to ask him to speak more clearly in front of the class, stay after a few minutes and talk to him. Obviously he cannot change his accent, but you could ask him to talk slower in class or post more notes online. If that doesn’t help, you should go to the department and take it up with them. Do it before it’s too late, though. I once had a professor who really couldn’t speak English well and one day, only two people out of 45 showed up to class, including myself. He just kept apologizing about his accent. It was actually really sad, I felt really bad for the guy.
AB: Oh, boy. My CSE professor tried failing me, too. The thing about CSE professors is that they are all glorified nerds who are ecstatic that for once in their life, they have command over something, even if it’s not a girl or a sports team. Years of chastising have built up a need to take things out on sweet dudes like us, and that is just not acceptable. The nerds lose, buddy. The nerds always lose. Give the foreign guy a wedgie and steal his lunch money. Then go buy drugs with it. Done.
Q: What are the GREs? Why are they important?
TS: GREs are like the SATs for grad school. They test you on vocabulary, writing skills, analogies, persuasive writing, and even math. Yes, math. So people who apply to grad programs in English can be tested on high school geometry. They’re scary, really expensive, and take four hours, but they help college admissions panels decide if you’re good enough to get into their program. All in all, they aren’t that fun.
AB: Greasy Rectal Examinations. You need one of these to get into Grad School, I hear. All the more reason to stay in undergrad for six years.
Q: I want to take a girl on a date and do something appropriate for fall, like apple picking. My friends all say that’s a lame idea. What do you think?
TS: I would go apple picking, maybe even on a hayride or through a corn maze. Want to take me?
AB: No, no one wants to go with you, Tara. I say that your girlfriend should be out boning your friends rather than be hanging out with a dweeb like you. My roommate goes apple picking. He also only drinks soy milk and eats tofurkey. If you want to be a dude about it, go to the Cider Mill. For the same price, they GIVE you apples (so you don’t have to go pick them yourself; that’s why we have migrant farmers, dumbass) AND they sell donuts.
Q: When was the last time UB won a championship in anything? Seriously. It’s depressing.
TS: After a lengthy Internet search, I came up with nothing. Buffalo is cursed.
AB: Every day they win the international “Taking All of My Fucking Money and Making My Life Miserable and Seemingly Worthless” award. A high prestige, indeed.
