“I’m Right. You’re Wrong.” is an advice column especially designed to help University at Buffalo students. So, if you have no one else to turn to (and I mean absolutely no one) drop off your question in our personals mailbox or email us at askgeneration@gmail.com. If you’re lucky, your question just might show up in ­­the next issue.

Q; Starbucks sucks, so where else can I get coffee on campus that actually tastes good?

TS: According to our resident hot beverage expert, Jeff Froustet, those automatic coffee machines are “the shit.” On any given Saturday during production, the kid downs eight hot chocolates and five black coffees—he’s crazy about it. But, he also is just crazy.

AB: Jeff doesn’t know what he’s talking about. To be honest, the kid shows up to the magazine every Friday during production with a hand full of Colombian beans and tries to smoke them. If you want to get a drink anywhere on campus, just remember to add whiskey. Everything tastes better with a little bit of whiskey. Actually, everything tastes amazing with a lot of whiskey, including Starbucks.

TS: Agreed, Andrew. Whiskey will knock the taste out of anything, even whiskey.

Q: Why is there always bad rap music coming from the Student Union at all hours of the day?

TS: Well, that’s a matter of opinion. Some people like “bad” rap music, some people like Dave Matthews, and some people don’t like any music because they don’t care. I don’t know what “good” music is to you, but to most pretentious music snobs, it means tons of research and constantly trying to one-up other music “lovers” about how many obscure noise-electro-funk-indie-baile-trance-metal-poop rock bands they like. I really don’t know which is more annoying anymore.

AB: Students at UB lack taste. I thought we set everyone straight when the soundtrack to last year’s Generation Day was eight hours of Mr. Bungle, “Monster Mash,” and the theme to Deliverance on a continuous loop. If you hang out in the Student Union as much as I do (did you know you can get a large ice cream cone for two bucks? That’s a fucking bargain), every now and then you will catch a rare listen of DMX’s “Party Up” or even the Spin Doctors, and for a moment, it doesn’t seem so bad.

Q: I hate my roommates, I hate my apartment, and I really want to pay off my lease and get the fuck out of there. What do you think I should do? It’s not like I have the money for it…

TS: Student loans are useful for these types of situations. I know that paying a ton of extra money down the road is way better than living with people who steal your Pop Tarts and leave their towels around. Man up and save some dough.

AB: I was pondering this one myself the other day. After hours of deliberation, I have decided that the completely failsafe plan is to just get yourself evicted. Do it in style, of course. Beer bong out the attic window, operate a drug ring (or brothel if it’s more of your thing), and even throw in a little animal fucking. Police and landlords alike frown upon bestiality.

Q: I have no idea what to be for Halloween. Help me!

TS: A big ol’ set of knockers. Honk, honk.

AB: What? Come on, Tara. Sounds to me like the perfect costume for you just might be a clueless moron. No costume necessary. Oh, sick burn.

Q: I work at a job where I get to meet a lot of women and I’m pretty outgoing so I’ve gone on a lot of dates. The thing is—I can never seem to get past the first date. Something comes up, or they say they’re interested but it’s just the wrong time, or they give me some sort of excuse. I don’t think that it’s entirely my fault, but I’m not sure. I don’t know what to do. Should I just give up?

TS: Ever hear the phrase “Nice guys finish last?” Well, it’s true. If you don’t play hard-to-get and manipulate from the get go, no girl will be interested. Most chicks like a challenge, like a lion likes a good hunt. Girls also like bad boys. So get mean and start robbing banks and the ladies will come running. Or just stop being a big ugly loser, because that’s probably the case here.

AB: Yes. You’re the reason Jesus invented video games. Sorry, champ.