Elli Staff: Without your delish saturday morning coffee the layout of this magazine would not be possible. Danke.

Where are the blumpkins at!?

OH MY GOD THOSE PUPPIES ARE SO FUCKING CUTE I SHIT FORGOT TO HOLD MY BOWELS IN AND NOW THERE IS SHIT ALL OVER MY RUG

To the "Beamer (BMW) Kid" in my World Civ. lecture: I don't like you. Meet me at the flag pole 3pm sharp... We will settle our differences the old fashion way.

wanted: someone with a slow vehicle to race my equally slow Ford. serious inquiries only.

thousands of cars parking on North Campus every single day, and i'm the only one doing donuts and drifting in the snow on Wednesday/Friday....what the fuck.

Do you know what the best feeling in the world is? No? Well then, I will tell you. It's when you take a massive shit, wipe your ass, and there's nothing on the toilet paper. Freaking awesome.

To the blonde studying in the silent section of the law lib.: You were cute until the toxic GAS seeped out of your ass and I nearly puked. Try to keep it in next time; I was trying to study too.

Dear guy who always wears the really tight jeans and cowboy boots, I really wish I could go a day without seeing your package. Thanks

so the other day i used VISIONS as a napkin because i forgot to grab one...is that wrong?

To anyone with over 3 textbooks on them at all times. Euthanize yourself.

You're the reason I wake up at 7 a.m. to fight for a shower so I can go to a 9 a.m. class looking my best. I sense you've been looking my way - I know the class is sleep-inducing but I'm sure I can find a way to wake you up after class if you'd just talk to me. I promise that under my awkward, nerd-chick exterior is a girl who just wants to make out with someone like you.

I would like to thank the dedicated individuals of the ub snow removal team for doing such a shitty job of plowing the parking lots. thanks to you, head fucks of drivers double park. thanks ub for taking our money once again... we're in buffalo, get an industrial sized snowplow and salter and learn how to use it.

To the girl in my organic lab with the seemingly endless, smooth, silky, brown hair and those gorgeous sparkling eyes...MAN I want to pound you in the ass! I would Bunsen your burner any day!

i hate gilgamesh... and his faceless bureaucracy

To the business manager of that on campus magazine, your hot, lets spoon. -Your secret admirer

have 2 roomates, well call them roomate a and b. roomate b decided that me and her should get married on facebook so we did. its cute we joke and call each other "wife" or whatever. Now roomate a seems to be getting jealous, i told her she could be our son, but she keeps making references that she hates it. isnt that funny...

SKITTLES R NOT MY FAVORITE CANDY AND I WOULD NEVER PURCHASE A BAG BUT IF SOMEONE OFFERED ME A FEW I WOULD EAT THEM!!!!!!!!!!!11111111111

SPRINGFEST 08: Miley Cyrus/Hannah Montana..Lets get it done.

to the kid I had bio 200 with and that i danced with @ bayou in the shark cage on Mardi Gras, I LOVE YOU!!, and you definately know how to get low. love, your shark girl <3.