Halfway along the path to inebriation, just before mindlessness ensues, one sometimes experiences moments of heightened lucidity. Well, at least that’s what I discovered last night. After my rant about the unfair business practices of Metroland, I decided to spend some quality time with my old friend, Jose Cuervo. Is it pathetic to play a drinking game by yourself? I was watching CNN, and every time Wolf Blitzer made an explicit reference to the fact that Hilary Clinton possesses a vagina (allegedly), I took a shot. I got pretty ridiculous pretty fast. Mexicans tend to sneak up on you like that.

Sufficiently toasted, I wrapped myself in my tie-dye blanket and fell over onto my bed, smacking my left eye on my bedpost, giving myself a pretty badass looking black eye. In my moment of drunken clarity, I decided something: people no longer think of sex as something natural. Not only are they shamed of their bodies, which aren’t up to porn standards, but for the same reason, they no longer feel truly attracted to the body of the other. Sex as a state of abandon, momentary weakness, and sentimental adulation isn’t possible anymore.

I’m not wrong either. I can barely stomach having sex with my boyfriend if I don’t still have a shirt on. I hate my body, and it makes me hate myself. Genetic predisposition sucks too, because as much as I try, I can’t fix it. It looks like I’m stuck covering up forever. Not cool. I just want to be an image. Not necessarily an image of beauty, but just an image worthy of remembering in a benevolent way. I want to become one of those images that flash before you in the few seconds that precede death. I feel like defined abdominals might help me in this quest. I think this is the reason why the notion of equality has no basis in human society.

Nothing is equal. Nothing. Fuck the NAACP, ACLU, feminists, and any other self-righteous money mongering organization that claims to be the vehicle for societal change and social equality. As long as we’re all humans with functioning brains, we’re all going to have different attributes and mind sets. Humans are genetically engineered for inequality. There’s going to be smart people and dumb people. White people and black people. Rich and poor. Saints and douche-bags. There’s nothing to be done about it. That’s just the way it is. I’d like to think that this is what I’ve understood about life, but it’s easy to play the smart-ass. It’s easy to give the impression that you’ve understood something about life, but the fact remains that life comes to an end. In a world of inequality, death is the great equalizer.

That’s why John Lennon may not have been as Yoko Ono-trippy as you might have thought when he penned “All you need is love.”

In the absence of love, nothing can be sanctified. It’s a simple idea. But I know that people sometimes find it difficult, oddly, to accept simple ideas.

Today we don’t love. We move through a universe of gentle desires and limitless moments of pleasure. We can log on to the internet, download some porn and get off anytime we want (disbarring any presence of sexual dysfunction). We don’t love, we fuck. That’s modern society. I’ve been having doubts lately. More and more now, I have doubts about the sort of world we’re creating. Why do people choose sex over love?

Before I could answer this question, the pain from smacking my eye took over my alcohol ravaged body. I looked in the mirror. I poked my bruised eye, I pinched my love handles, and I said out loud, “You are a fat bitch.” Oddly, that proclamation sent me over the edge. I needed it. Is it a booty call if he’s your boyfriend?

I had inadvertently found my answer. One causes inevitable pleasure while the other causes inevitable pain. As humans, we’re wired to find instant gratification. And that’s the first thing I told him as I gently pressed down speed dial three and heard a groggy, “Hello?” at the other end.